The Chaotic-Neutron

The more i read now about Tsunamis, the more i understand on how terrible it must be back there now. When there is absolutely nothing to do back here for me, there are a lot of things i could be doing. Maybe this feeling comes only when you miss something so badly, so much that it is hard to put it in words.

I still can feel those days at the seaward roads in Thiruvanmiyur house. It was not far off from the impact site of today but back then, believe me, it was heaven. All the early morning baths at the sea, on the shallow side of it, the cricket matches i used to play and what not ! Now nothing more than a memory but imprints dispersed in the vast ocean …

Can’t stop getting disgusted of the selfish me, again. Amidst all this chaos, all i can think of is about my memories … You freak.

Then in a flash, it call falls into place. The monte carlo code for one of my courses. I got 40/150 points in that special problem which might have made a huge difference in my grades. But that was not meant to be because i couldn’t get my report right.

However trivial it does seem, the irony is that, i screwed up the only part where my previous 2 years of work would have made a difference. Coding ! All i had to do was to build an awesome code, reusable, inheritable and blah blah blah and to get it to work to get the right results. And you know what, i finally did that too Felt wonderful ! Like as though i already managed to get a nobel prize for that !!

Then came the thunder. I had to write a neat report and discuss the results now. This program of mine, runs like a maniac and is freakin customizable beyond even MY imagination. It worked so well you know ! But to get the report right, i have to run it in non-accurate ways which my program does not support .. he he .. sounds funny doesn’t it ! But yeah thats how it works.

Anyway, this report was kind of messed up in the end because i had two consecutive night outs and was aching to drop down into that cozy layer in the sleeping bag. There couldn’t have been a worse time to do the report ! Added to all that, the age old habit of hating managerial reports came in handy to amplify these emotions, to write a not so detailed report in the end. I just happened to forget that the evaluator is a dumb moron who has no clue what my code does but only understands that from my report !

There goes my credits … Another crib to the list !

All is set for the Chicago trip. Only that i dont have any sort of thermals or sweaters other than my jacket ! The forecast predicts that the climate over there on 28th is going to be pretty nasty ! The average temperature being 15F ! Crap … Though i cant wait to see the snow and all that, i sure as hell wouldnt like my balls to be frozen while walking around …

Trying to push the days along now .. Been working on creating this own site of mine ! The Unknownreference Home site !! Aha ! Been writing my custom code in ASP.NET ! Quite a past time it has become .. Otherwise, been helping out PK to get his essays and stuff ready for his apping …

Alright. Time to get going. Hungry now ! No food at home and all the caffeine from morning is making me uneasy already. Better go and cook something …

But the irony is that the more i love what i am doing, the more i am hating everything else. Its like one of those obsessions that keeps haunting you even when you sleep … The tetris and quake nightmares were better somehow than dreaming about radioactive nuclides, having dinner in the nuclear core and playing with uranium pellets.

Here is the sweet part about the whole deal. Goddammit. I dont make any sense at all ! hmm .. I am in one of those moods again. Miss a great deal of people, miss a lot of things happening back in India, but wouldnt want to miss this rush which i am going through here for anything else ! Stretched between the wish magnets, this infinite momentum is rising chaotically and me still hanging on at the edge while the flux rises …

Today is my birthday ! But alas, what points do i get for remembering it ?? All i have to do now is to finish off the 3 sets of homework that are still pending and need to be submitted in 9 hours… This work i chose, is the master now and i guess, whatever i was planning to do for my birthday will remain as a memory for now. There is still time but this is not the right one ..

Life has been really hectic .. Lots and lots of assignments and am learning stuff at a freakin exponential rate … That’s almost the exact inverse of the rate of radioactive decay you know Well, thinking about it, i probably need to cry today for becoming another year older ! All the parties, all the fun, all the coding, all the reading, all the music, all the friends and all the moments will never come back unless ! Unless i do succeed in that wildest dream of making a Time machine come true … Aha !

Crap … Really tired .. reading the stuff i just wrote, i should say that ‘It shows’ ! hmm anyway ‘Congrats to me !’

Mathi came over to the bus stand and picked me up .. Took some rest and once everyone went off to office, decided to check out the government gliding center, a 2 hr trip near pune .. It was a nasty ride, not because of the road, but ‘coz i didnt understand their language ! Why does everyone have to speak in marathi for God’s sake ? Why why ? I speak in Hindi and they reply back in marathi … Freakin disgusting

Anyway, the placed was closed again and made the trip back to mathi’s place .. When everyone came back, we went over to Olan’s place, and then to a pub. This pub – Apache was fantastic. Lots of good music and beer ! Just what i needed after long travel I wish i was sloshed but i wasnt .. We roamed around some of the most happening places there, had some food at a dhaba and reached home around 3 AM or something. It was nice fun thinking about it now ! Old friends, food and a nice pub ! Perfect !

Anyway, next on the list was Bombay.. Caught a bus and went on ! The road was loaded with scenaries but was too tired to watch all of them .. forced myself to keep awake to peep out into the tunnels though Took some photos too but didnt come out quite well in the end .. hmm maybe photography is not one of my innate talents !

So caught a bus from there, and went on a 12 hr trip to Goa. And at last reached there by around 9 in the morning. The place was buzzing with crowd, all sorts of it ! Found a place to stay near the beach and went out alone, walking along the roads nearby and caught some arbit bus and got the ticket for the last stop !

Saw all the ancient architectural buildings, got some photos, had some beer, food and moved on. Went to donapaula and got a kela ‘coz the paragliding wasn’t open during non-seasons … duh ! In the evening, went on a ferry ride but even here, there wasnt much happening .. felt a bit miserable being at this place all alone, with lots of things to do but with no company .. in frustration, went back to the room, had another beer and slept off peacefully for 12 hrs ..

The next day, roamed around few more beaches .. even drifted into some private ones too in the evening had some surprises, but all in all, a very uneventful stay here ..

Next stop – Pune !