Right now and … what ?

by Neutron on Jul.15, 2005, under Uncategorized

Yeah am still alive, very much. Lots of things happening lately and just haven’t had enough time to post anything. Once in a while, i get some really interesting thoughts but by the time i get my lazy ass to the computer, the motivation to type a long post just vanishes into thin air. I end up making a note to myself and hoping that i’ll look back at that later, move on with my life.

Time has become one bizzarely rare commodity and i am beginning to so badly wish for a 30 hour/day schedule. Damn the earth for rotating so fast. The only thing i remember each day is getting up late and going back to bed really late. Everything else in the middle seems to be monotonous and involuntary. No. I am not cribbing about my work but just that the research is progressing at an amazing pace that i do not have time to even do my laundry.

Phase 1 in my research is complete and i am probably way ahead than the rest of my class-mates in terms of amount of completion. But Phase 2 is a monster on which i am working on currently. It hogs all the time i have. The physics, the math, the software design and the actual coding in both MATLAB and .NET is making me bonkers. Dell was truly a paradise with lots of time to read but ironically, i might have caught up in pace with all the technological advancements i missed out in the past one year by reading blogs, articles and stories, news on .NET and general programming. I am in the process of designing my software code for the computational model and i can clearly see that the old tricks are still in the bag ! Wonderful.

My PhD qualifiers are coming up this september and haven’t even started preparing for the behemoth. I am scared to my bones even thinking about it. I have to clear the qualifer this time, no matter what. Amidst all the chaos that is happening right now, i still need to squeeze in more time for the preparation. Oh well. Another challenge coming up. Need to get more coffee from the grocery store.

The other day, I saw a bunch of Indian guys playing cricket on a nearby field. Fragile as i am, the feeling more intensified with the monotony, with strong desires to play, i walked away. Ironic. Confusing. But that’s how weird my mind is working these days. So then, i forced myself to play soccer at the recreation center and midway through the game i realized that i had no stamina left to run anymore. I had to bail out and watch the rest of the match from the stands. It was worse than pathetic. At the end of it all, there is just one conclusion. I need to take more time out and play something daily or am not gonna last my target of sweet 32, no matter what

And oh yeah. Forgot my other recent addiction these days. “Unreal Tournament”. I remember back in those good old college days, when night out was just another regular day in ‘Octagon’ – the computer lab, playing Unreal on the network with an alias “HellRaiser”. That sure as hell was fun Now, after almost 4 years, the memory haunts and the mind fell for it. So i installed Unreal and started playing online, using my unlimited DSL connection, and life has taken a twisted turn.

Sleep which i once so dearly loved, for which i bunked so many classes in college, so many morning hours with meetings in Dell, has become just another triviality. I don’t have to go to my office daily, and i do most of my work at home. But i still don’t have enough time to do lots of stuff i have wanted to do. It ain’t stress management or work management. That’s bull given by managers in a Dilbertish environment. There simply isn’t enough time ! Does anyone understand that ? Again. I ain’t cribbing my ass off here. That’s not the point. The fact i am pointing out is that either there simply isn’t enough time to go around in a day or i am surely becoming slower at what i do best. God i hope it’s the first one. Or maybe i just need more sleep.

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