Quotes – 23

“Give thanks for sorrow that teaches you pity; for pain that teaches you courage – and give exceedingly thanks for the mystery which remains a mystery still – the veil that hides you from the infinite, which makes it possible for you to believe in what you cannot see.”

— Robert Nathan

Steppingstone to evolution secret ?!

Just read the article – “Butterfly unlocks evolution secretover at BBC.

The article does not throw enough light on the background of the theories and on how the observations exactly connect with them. Over excitedly, I was looking for the answer to the basic question “Why ?” in the article and was sorely disappointed. But It does cover about speciation and specifically due to geographical differences for reasons that would become obvious after reading the following sentence.
If similarly closely related species are living side-by-side, the researchers noticed, they frequently look strikingly different – their “teams” are clearly advertised.

This has the effect of discouraging inter-species mating, thus encouraging genetic isolation and species divergence.

This process, called “reinforcement”, prevents closely related species from interbreeding thus driving them further apart genetically and promoting speciation.

Well eventhough this sort of thing is intuitive, IMO, knowledge is nothing but memories digged out from our own mind, hidden until the right moment, felt in a flash as intuition ! Before i become more philosophical, just read the article. Nothing mind-bending really but definitely worth the time.
1

A lovable text for Humanity

Wandering through the vagaries of cyber-space, on a hectic day, with a tired mind, I saw a good post about a love song for humanity. It ain’t a song per se, but its been beautifully written. Very simple language and eerily true to reality. Enjoyed this between my self-absorbed research session and surely chuckled with happiness about the blatant truth, and resumed my work again 😉

Excerpt :

From an outside observer’s point of view…

You sure are interesting, little ants, crawling around on a largely uninteresting little sphere you honestly believe you control. You do not understand the wonder that surrounds you in this vast Universe, but each and every one of you believes you are the center of it. Most of the time, your tiny tragedies and victories are the only thing that matters. You rush around, acting all serious and important, as though your next wrong step could cause all of existence to collapse around you.

Reminded me of the famous Smith’s dialogue from Matrix. I could have repeated that dialogue without referring to it. Its so burnt into my mind for reasons i consciously do not know ! Anyway, here is the beauty for your pleasure.

From Matrix : Agent Smith to Morpheus –

I’d like to share a… revelation I had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to… classify your species. I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but… you humans do not. You move to an area… and you multiply and multiply… until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to.. spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Humans beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet… and we… are the cure.

1

Right now and … what ?

Yeah am still alive, very much. Lots of things happening lately and just haven’t had enough time to post anything. Once in a while, i get some really interesting thoughts but by the time i get my lazy ass to the computer, the motivation to type a long post just vanishes into thin air. I end up making a note to myself and hoping that i’ll look back at that later, move on with my life.

Time has become one bizzarely rare commodity and i am beginning to so badly wish for a 30 hour/day schedule. Damn the earth for rotating so fast. The only thing i remember each day is getting up late and going back to bed really late. Everything else in the middle seems to be monotonous and involuntary. No. I am not cribbing about my work but just that the research is progressing at an amazing pace that i do not have time to even do my laundry.

Phase 1 in my research is complete and i am probably way ahead than the rest of my class-mates in terms of amount of completion. But Phase 2 is a monster on which i am working on currently. It hogs all the time i have. The physics, the math, the software design and the actual coding in both MATLAB and .NET is making me bonkers. Dell was truly a paradise with lots of time to read but ironically, i might have caught up in pace with all the technological advancements i missed out in the past one year by reading blogs, articles and stories, news on .NET and general programming. I am in the process of designing my software code for the computational model and i can clearly see that the old tricks are still in the bag ! Wonderful.

My PhD qualifiers are coming up this september and haven’t even started preparing for the behemoth. I am scared to my bones even thinking about it. I have to clear the qualifer this time, no matter what. Amidst all the chaos that is happening right now, i still need to squeeze in more time for the preparation. Oh well. Another challenge coming up. Need to get more coffee from the grocery store.

The other day, I saw a bunch of Indian guys playing cricket on a nearby field. Fragile as i am, the feeling more intensified with the monotony, with strong desires to play, i walked away. Ironic. Confusing. But that’s how weird my mind is working these days. So then, i forced myself to play soccer at the recreation center and midway through the game i realized that i had no stamina left to run anymore. I had to bail out and watch the rest of the match from the stands. It was worse than pathetic. At the end of it all, there is just one conclusion. I need to take more time out and play something daily or am not gonna last my target of sweet 32, no matter what 😉

And oh yeah. Forgot my other recent addiction these days. “Unreal Tournament”. I remember back in those good old college days, when night out was just another regular day in ‘Octagon’ – the computer lab, playing Unreal on the network with an alias “HellRaiser”. That sure as hell was fun 😉 Now, after almost 4 years, the memory haunts and the mind fell for it. So i installed Unreal and started playing online, using my unlimited DSL connection, and life has taken a twisted turn.

Sleep which i once so dearly loved, for which i bunked so many classes in college, so many morning hours with meetings in Dell, has become just another triviality. I don’t have to go to my office daily, and i do most of my work at home. But i still don’t have enough time to do lots of stuff i have wanted to do. It ain’t stress management or work management. That’s bull given by managers in a Dilbertish environment. There simply isn’t enough time ! Does anyone understand that ? Again. I ain’t cribbing my ass off here. That’s not the point. The fact i am pointing out is that either there simply isn’t enough time to go around in a day or i am surely becoming slower at what i do best. God i hope it’s the first one. Or maybe i just need more sleep.

1

Back at College Station

After a gruelling 32 hour ride, I am finally back in College station. You would expect my journey would have been eventless. But ahem. ‘Worse things can happen beyond your imagination at the least expected times, to people who are least prepared.’ (My personal Murphy’s extension !) And I will detail that story of mine in the next post.

Anyway, the transformation into the psychotic, socially allergic student I used to be has already started.

I have already started to forget the taste of dosas. The taste of sandwitches, burgers and pizza linger now.

The constant company of friends has vanished. Back to the same old ‘Me, Myself and my solitude’.

The never ending sleeping schedule is gone. ‘Sleep on ration’ is about to kick in !

Research : ‘What the hell is that ?’. hmm. 10 days ago, I would have said that. But, now i’ve got to do my work. So ye reactors, prepare yourself to be dissected.

The pathetically slow dialup connection is gone. DSL : Here i come.

My body clock still does not understand ‘why the daylight shows up when i am about to go to sleep and is already gone when i wake up !’

The transformation has been slow but steady. My house is in a mess. Reminds me of the house at Coles park.

I’ve already got a huge assignment which is due next monday. Work starts and Life has become more active. And time goes on …
4

Results

My second sem results are out. Definitely thought i would do well but never expected, you know what, ‘A perfect score’. I got a freakin 4.0/4.0 ! I dont care if you dont believe it, ‘coz the truth is that i dont believe it either 😉 But thats what my record says and i dont want to go against it !

Awesome. Only one thing left to do now … Find a reason and a company to get drunk .. but where am i ? In cbe. Shucks… No company but gotta wait till next weekend to freak out at blore !

Boys ! Here i come .. be ready to get wasted !

3

Fun or torture ?

What am i talking about ? Well actually everything till now after leaving the US.

First, the trip lasted for a whopping 30 hours, with barely any sleep. This was after some gruelling 4 continous nightouts before the trip. Well doesnt sound like fun to me …

The stay at moosh’s place after landing at Bangalore. Well was fun meeting all the old boys after a long time .. Johnnie Walker played his tune, and soared everyone’s spirits .. Definitely more fun. But wait, at the end of the day, well night actually, just before the trip to coimbatore, the feeling was miserable. The climate was hot and humid, and i was probably running a fever but well that sole thought of seeing family drove me home and managed a ride on a shitty airplane. Almost weirdly, and masochistically fun.

Meeting the whole crowd back here .. Definitely pure joy !

The jet lag, the prize i paid, was sheer torture. The more i tried to stay awake, the lesser i did. As though the never experienced hangover of spirits tried to take a different form throughout the body and make it cringe with pain, the whole body crumbled. Ugh. I really hated this part.

A trip to Calicut on a unreserved train, standing for 2 hrs with a bad feeling in the leg and sweat engrossed t-shirt. Pathetic.

Meeting Mom. Awesome.

The function at Calicut and all the folks i met, felt good.

The aftermath, serious talks, responsibility issues, and lots more. No idea what to classify that as. Lots more to think about now and to tax this worked out brain even more.

Another pathetic return journey on Bus from Calicut. Couldn’t have screwed my back any worse !

Right now, with a serious decision to make, with a pain in the back, this is scary. I am having orgasms due to the pressure but am freaking out because of the consequences. ( This is not for you readers … Cryptic i may be, obvious it might seem, it still does not mean anything to you but just me … maybe will explain it later when i’ve made that certain decision.)

Anyway for now, can’t wait for the trip to blore. I probably want to forget about some things and re-live the old feeling ! As of always, the days shall pass, and i will wait. Adios.

Finals, India trip and my research.

Ah another time out between tough schedules. My finals have started and thing this week has been badly screwed up but since i’ve got so very used to this non-sleepable-nights-only-workable time schedule, it has not been a bad problem.

I finally got my application for MS degree and the degree plan done. The highlight about the degree plan was the meeting with a math professor who is part of my graduate committee who has all the right to screw me inside out before i present my thesis. I had to make a presentation about the mathematics involved in my project before i can get a sign off on the degree plan. This part was fun ! I never thought i knew so much about what i was doing … And to my own surprise, i did really well 🙂
The test today on Thermal Hydraulics was awesome. My first open book test ever and apart from being hard, i sure as hell cracked it. Should definitely get an A on this one … We will see about it though …
Life is badly hectic but still monotonous and fast … Cant wait till next wednesday when all my finals will be done and my last extra credit lab report has been turned in and i finally start packing my stuff to the month long trip to India !!! Whoa ! Really can’t wait …
I never realized that i was so excited about going back to India. I even had a couple of dreams of driving an airplane, which i might interpret if i was a Freudian follower as an increased wish to go to India. Bloody awesome …
My research is going on perfectly as planned ! The highlight of the whole year definitely had to be something that my prof told me as a passing remark ! He told me that i was fit enough to teach a PhD level course with my knowledge in the project because i was so fast catching up with everything he was throwing at me … Long time since i had got a beautiful, appreciative remark like that ! Not getting my hopes high but my confidence levels are definitely above the clouds about clearing the PhD qualifier this September …
Alright, that rant has made my fingers tired … Coffee de Arabica. Where are thou ? Get me electric ! And sweet Wednesday, here i come !

Random thoughts

Reality and fantasy, differs by just a thin line
But it is all in the mind that believes both to be real
Above doubts, race of thoughts do decline
Until there are none, and drifts back into the surreal.

Where goeth the path of the motivated ?
Where does the truth lead the broken mind ?
All good and evil concealed in this single head
Illusions and reality do not seem any different.

Am i to find the perfect action among all the others ?
Aren’t all actions equally righteous ?
When the enlightment occurs during meditation,
The flash purifies and gives light to the self within.

How many things i have wished, and wanted
If the will is strong enough, it does not wane
Nor give up the desire to do the unlimited
If and only if the mind is still sane.
All Tsunamis do seem miniscule compared to this will !

Night outs.

In my past 6 years, there is one thing i’ve done the most and very consistently ! No matter what the situation, no matter how trivial the occasion, no matter how important the reason, i always have found a way to do a ‘Night-out’. Somehow over the years, i’ve become kind of nocturnal and weird as it sounds, fallen in love with the gloom of the night.

Mornings are one thing i hate the most than anything else, i can imagine right now ! I hate and despise them beyond anything else… But nothing great than a beautiful afternoon to wake up into and then start the day pleasantly … With a strong dose of caffeine, after skipping breakfast and lunch, hoping to have something during the evening and eventually forgetting that, night so very quickly shrouds on you before you even know it ! Time, the one thing that heals and the one thing i seem to lack the most … hmm it does sound like some movie dialogue. But anyway, the point is that i have liked the moon better than the sun !

So as the night comes, as though the body clock has felt it, my senses become more acute and work better than before. Well it does seem like an over-exaggeration but i didnt realize that until today. This has to be one of the best night-outs ever ! Not for a reason like being drunk to the bone and laying flat, playing cards with good ol’ buddies but for a reason i had least suspected myself. I was writing this wretchedly complex piece of code to solve a 2-group diffusion equation, which is a tough one by the way, to finish in 24 hrs. In 12 straight hours during day, i had completed 1/4 of the code but then after the night chipped in, the fingers were typing all by themselves, a code so beautiful, modular and systematic which i couldnt have dreamed of even during a day’s sleep 😉

Well, there is also one previous record of mine that i broke today. My longest night-out ever ! This historic moment lasted for 33 1/2 hrs which i don’t think i’ll forget until i break it again ! Yeah i am weird to remember anything like this ! But that’s just me ! And at the end of it all, my code works perfectly its way through the complex equations, and churns out data, iteration after iteration, relentlessly amd gives accurate answers the way it is supposed to ! How wonderfully more satisfied can i get ?! Another record that i broke today is a row of 4 night-outs with a total of 14 hrs sleep this week ! Definitely, a tough one to break again …

To top it all off with cream and sugar, i debugged 3 other fellow student’s code in Fortran when i had no idea what the heck their logic was to begin with. Somehow, it seems that the coder in me thrives more than ever, contrary to what i had imagined. This is so freaking cool !

Yup. Me showing all the geeky qualities of a graduate student. But maybe its just the lack of sleep talking now. hmm .. i am so Goddamm burnt out 🙂 May 12th, where art thou ?