Random thoughts

Reality and fantasy, differs by just a thin line
But it is all in the mind that believes both to be real
Above doubts, race of thoughts do decline
Until there are none, and drifts back into the surreal.

Where goeth the path of the motivated ?
Where does the truth lead the broken mind ?
All good and evil concealed in this single head
Illusions and reality do not seem any different.

Am i to find the perfect action among all the others ?
Aren’t all actions equally righteous ?
When the enlightment occurs during meditation,
The flash purifies and gives light to the self within.

How many things i have wished, and wanted
If the will is strong enough, it does not wane
Nor give up the desire to do the unlimited
If and only if the mind is still sane.
All Tsunamis do seem miniscule compared to this will !

Night outs.

In my past 6 years, there is one thing i’ve done the most and very consistently ! No matter what the situation, no matter how trivial the occasion, no matter how important the reason, i always have found a way to do a ‘Night-out’. Somehow over the years, i’ve become kind of nocturnal and weird as it sounds, fallen in love with the gloom of the night.

Mornings are one thing i hate the most than anything else, i can imagine right now ! I hate and despise them beyond anything else… But nothing great than a beautiful afternoon to wake up into and then start the day pleasantly … With a strong dose of caffeine, after skipping breakfast and lunch, hoping to have something during the evening and eventually forgetting that, night so very quickly shrouds on you before you even know it ! Time, the one thing that heals and the one thing i seem to lack the most … hmm it does sound like some movie dialogue. But anyway, the point is that i have liked the moon better than the sun !

So as the night comes, as though the body clock has felt it, my senses become more acute and work better than before. Well it does seem like an over-exaggeration but i didnt realize that until today. This has to be one of the best night-outs ever ! Not for a reason like being drunk to the bone and laying flat, playing cards with good ol’ buddies but for a reason i had least suspected myself. I was writing this wretchedly complex piece of code to solve a 2-group diffusion equation, which is a tough one by the way, to finish in 24 hrs. In 12 straight hours during day, i had completed 1/4 of the code but then after the night chipped in, the fingers were typing all by themselves, a code so beautiful, modular and systematic which i couldnt have dreamed of even during a day’s sleep 😉

Well, there is also one previous record of mine that i broke today. My longest night-out ever ! This historic moment lasted for 33 1/2 hrs which i don’t think i’ll forget until i break it again ! Yeah i am weird to remember anything like this ! But that’s just me ! And at the end of it all, my code works perfectly its way through the complex equations, and churns out data, iteration after iteration, relentlessly amd gives accurate answers the way it is supposed to ! How wonderfully more satisfied can i get ?! Another record that i broke today is a row of 4 night-outs with a total of 14 hrs sleep this week ! Definitely, a tough one to break again …

To top it all off with cream and sugar, i debugged 3 other fellow student’s code in Fortran when i had no idea what the heck their logic was to begin with. Somehow, it seems that the coder in me thrives more than ever, contrary to what i had imagined. This is so freaking cool !

Yup. Me showing all the geeky qualities of a graduate student. But maybe its just the lack of sleep talking now. hmm .. i am so Goddamm burnt out 🙂 May 12th, where art thou ?


The elation with a relation

There is a new mail .. But it is time for class and almost over 2 in the afternoon. My stomach is churning out weird sounds to show its hunger and anger, and is probably eating away my flesh in full glory. But here is a new mail to take the mind off from the hunger.

Still in a dilemma whether to read it right away or to go to class, i decide to see the subject alone. And like a bloom on a stormy day, it was titled ‘A good news !’ from a cousin of mine. Awesome, i thought.

Clicked the mouse and waited for the page to load. Maybe i was too tired to think and so i just stared. Along came the page with just one line of message.

My sis is now a mother and i am an uncle to twin babies i might not see for another month.

Supremo fantastico ! In the silence, amidst the chaos, despite the distance, two new relations were created ! Life brought into being. Beautiful ! Long live my twin nephews …


Weird Science 7

‘Levitation’ is a wonderful thing and who would have thought that this beautiful physical phenomena would have undergone lots many failures before it became a success. I have given a lot of thought about the Levitation process and made sense to me on why something would just bob up in air and stay that way as long as your forces cancel out. But i have to say that it is definitely one of the coolest toys you could get 🙂

Anyone with even a casual interest in physics has to be amazed. For more than 150 years, such levitation was “known” to be impossible. An 1842 paper by the Rev. Samuel Earnshaw in an English scientific journal had effectively proved mathematically that stationary levitation would never be achieved using only ordinary permanent magnets. “Earnshaw’s theorem” is stated in many college textbooks on electricity and magnetism. But this hasn’t stopped thousands of people (including yours truly) from spending countless futile hours trying to achieve such levitation anyway. (Earnshaw’s theorem does not deny the possibility of levitation using “diamagnetic” materials, superconductors or active electromagnetic circuits. The big surprise is the achievement of levitation using just ordinary permanent magnets.)

Here’s a picture which i presume is a levitating, rotating globe in mid air !

Read more at the site about how the patent for it became a failure just because the inventor did not have enough money to advertise his invention. No one even seems to be bothered that he found a way to defy a proven theory in existence for well over 150 years. The article also goes on to talk about how someone with a better marketing idea just shamelessly stole the invention to make profit ! Well maybe all is fair in business …

Here’s the official website that sells Levitron, the amazing anti-gravity top that rotates in air ! There is a video on the site which is cool too … Check’em out. Now if only i can find something about the magnetic levitation principle on which those japanese super-fast trains work, i could become another enthused levitron physicist !


Weird Science 6

A very nice trick. But i have no clue where i got this from though. Will post the link if i find it ! It is Wicked 😉

Get Instantly Arrested

No, don’t read this! You’ll be tempted to try it and end up in jail. Back in 1982 I was using some adhesive “window burglar alarm tape”, the metal stuff you burnish onto glass to detect breakage, and realized that it’s made of lead. With just this lead foil and a razor blade, I could make some lead-on-paper messages, put them in my carry-on luggage, and send a secret message which is visible only to the X-ray operator at the airport security station! Are those x-ray systems live-video or freeze-frame? Maybe I could even make a motorized animated sign, a little lead-foil creature who waves at the x-ray operator. And some modern x-ray units detect absorbtion spectra, displaying it in various colors, so materials such as silver-leaf from art supply stores will show up on their video display. Hey, rather than using lead foil, I could use lead oxide white pigment or “litharge”, the old fashioned lead paint. Make some silver chloride paint that shows up in color on the x-ray display. Use white paint on white paper and it would show up on x-ray, but to the eye be visible only as white paper. Print a litharge-ink silk-screen image of the x-ray photo of a human hand or head and stick it in your luggage. Will you be arrested for smuggling invisible body parts?

Success in failure

A test so trivial that even a whiner wouldn’t care
Floods this heart with so much pain and despair
Where from did this start, this passion for perfection
That it hurts to lose and spirals back into affliction ?

Weird it is. Or so it does seem.
As though a task needs to be completed, like in a dream,
Something strange at work pushes constantly
This psychic that aspires beyond chains.

The truth as always, is hidden to the naked eye.
Obvious and resplendent only when the mind awakes in pain
We learn by repetition and so i repeat.
All is good and chain of events continues without a dead beat.


Painkillers, the story

We all know that serenity follows the storm. But it never becomes calm immediately after the storm. The storm – ‘The toughest week ever’; The calm – Still waiting for it; Now – It is still windy and chilly. Yeah that is my life now. Its all in terms of the weather. There seems to be no difference between day and night. I have lost all track of time and i’m just hanging on the verge of sanity as time passes by.

No pleasant story here, If that’s what you are looking for. It is just the usual crib of a over worked soul in agonizing body pain trying to improvize himself with the help of painkillers. But let the hype not overshadow the fact that, this post is the result of a single painkiller, over which i am not addicted to, yet, but realized the potential addiction factor as a result of the amplitude of bliss that it delivers. Now here it goes.

Ever wondered if painkillers really did work ? I have. Everytime i see someone take a painkiller, i have given it so much thought on how these things do work, on how these chemicals can actually find out which part of your body aches the most and then relieve you off the misery in a short time. It was like a mystery unresolved in my mind for quite a long time. Maybe it was because i’ve avoided them all my life and managed to live with whatever bodily pain i had and have Time as the only medicine to cure it off.

I have come to learn that ‘Words are Words. Experience teaches Better’. And you don’t know how well a painkiller works unless you are in agonizing pain, that you could bite off a piece of wood out of the furniture to manage it and then use a painkiller as a last option. And then it dawns upon you that this darned thing actually does work and the effects are perceptible !

The back pain, which usually starts off like a harmless streak of pain in the lower spinal area, gradually develops into something you wouldn’t feel normal, if it didn’t exist. Now, it can get to a stage when pain can be very satisfying and motivating. Not that i am a masochist per se, in that perspective, but it really motivates you. Believe me ! and so once you cross these pleasurable limits, the pain is no longer bearable but the whole body twitches in agony, literally. So now you figure out a way to minimize it, at last by throwing out the chair you’ve been using, by eating more regularly, by trying to get atleast 6 hrs of sleep daily, by trying to keep up a more vigourous schedule. But then you realize that you are beyond remedy at this point and need some serious shit to recover.

That is when the painkillers kick in. They are the life savers. The life renewers. The silent killers. They can kick ass and drive out the pain in proportions never seen before. They can convert a non-believer to a believer in no time at all. And guess what, i do believe in them now.

And so the simple moral of this story is that “You cannot judge the goodness of something without experiencing the misery it negates”. Guess philosophy only flows when you are in pain ! You find the best or the worst in you. Somehow weirdly it reminds me of “Fight club” and Tyler Durden. Do i have a Tyler within me ? Yet to find that out !

Holy crap. I never thought that i can write junk that well. Oh well, there goes the story of the painkillers … And life treads on …

The touch of Death

Dreams and hallucinations like a bitter emotion
Haunts the mind that evolves constantly
The expansion of thoughts into unresolved boundaries
Reaching beyond the abysmal depths ;
All the questions remain unanswered forever.

The truth is merely a fact.
Neither a question nor an accompanying answer.
The search leads to more complex thoughts
And just leads to a more futile premise
Beyond understanding and science and logic.

This body undergoes the pain, everyday
The mind rejoices and deceives to elate itself
Into a higher path, without noticing the self destruction.
All ye Life decays continually,
To reach life beyond, without material bonds.

Death seems like an angel hovering over the shoulder,
To relieve this mortal spirit out of bondage.
Perceived dark but in-essence bright beyond any star
Full of compassion and truth, without a path through reason ;
Where doth these thoughts lead astray the broken mind ?

Somehow the touch of Death feels sweeter.
Like the remedy of all this crass behaviour
And untended emotions.
As though once felt before, all Life does decay continously
To reach this new life unknown for more bliss or pain …


Toughest Week ever.

This was one hell of a ride. This week, i’ll remember for a long time to come. I’ve done so much stuff this week that it beats all the tough assignments that i’ve worked on my entire short life till now … And the best part is, I survived !

Now let us see. Starting last week, here is a list of things i did.

  • Graded 40 papers of undergraduate students, and being the first time, made sure i got this right, with enough comments, and not being too mean. And yeah, everyone was satisfied, including my prof !
  • Completed 3 homework assignments, in 624, 606 and Math 602 ! And did them well too !
  • Finished a lab report for 606 on a single night. It came out well though i found out that i failed to discuss some things that were required .. Well i guess that is just the downside of working with deprived sleep.
  • And yeah, the Research work for my proposal. The code came out quite well and i solved the equations right. The answer is still not right but working on it. Definitely a huge step forward and i am finally understanding clearly on what i am doing !
  • My home computer crashed. But the hardware guy in me ripped open the computer and fixed it ! Voila ! Now it works like a breeze …

The only weirdest part is that my back hurts badly due to the averaged out 4 hours of sleep every day. Think this might be a bit too much for the body to handle right now but my mind seems to be calm and sane enough ! hmm … Can’t wait for this day to get over. Would love to go home, cook something, probably get drunk and sleep like a maniac.

And there was my life this week in a nutshell. Adios amigo ! Will be back soon 😉


Energy, the ultimate, untouchable yet filling,
Stored yet just hoarded, the potential unrealized
In every grain, that thrives and vibrates
In unison with everything else around it.

The split personality that it essentially is
The dark and its opposite
The vibrant and the calm
The visible and the imperceptible.

The overwhelming feeling of power over body
Surely wanes as the energy dies out
No food nor drink can refill this cup
Unless a higher path is reached and felt.

Unrest descends only to waste away
This conserved momentum and energy
If not consumed by the ascending mind
To break the body into divine shape.