A pleasant stay ?

I know it sounds really abstract but that’s a question I’ve been contemplating on for sometime now, after coming to Coimbatore from Bangalore. Life has not been the same and its become dull, boring, monotonous and sating. All the things I hate !

Apart from the dreaded monotony, the family makes so much of a fuss about every miniscule issue and i am really getting tired of this game. Is actually going for higher studies in the US such a big deal after all ?? Why don’t they consider my passion in nuclear as opposed to considering that I’m using higher studies as an opportunity to go to US. Why can’t they get it ?

I’ve been growing fat all these days. Lots of food at the right time adding weight at the wrong places. I know I’m gonna regret this later and seems like my legs are already troubled. Gotta do a checkup on that too. As of now, i need something interesting to keep my mind occupied. Reading books, browsing and roaming around to keep myself busy but am sure running out of options.

Well until next time, I’m going to vegetate even more…

What stays ?

The blissful silence in the depth of the night
Illusion of the mind in control, touching greater height
Peace descends all around in absolute serenity
The concentration opens and reaches the Universe in pure sublimity.

This joy that lingers ; Will it stay ?
All crutches to raise to that, haunts night and day
Tomorrow chaos shall return but memories do remain.
But that something touched feels pure like a elixir’s rain !

Life, this bitter sweet symphony
Still plays its tune amidst ruckus in complete harmony.
Every action, reaction perfect to its end
And so shall it be until all the energy is spent.

Link Interface 32.

Ok. Sorry about the recent lack of posts but will write about that in detail later … For now, enjoy these links on security.

Probably most of it here is well known already but i just wanted to consolidate all the links i found out recently about security while reading on the topic ! This one is a security special :)

To Be Or Not To Be !

At last, the final D-day that i’ve been waiting for is through. My VISA interview is over and i was told ‘Kiddo, you are thru. Thou shalt receiveth thy papers in 2-3 days !’. Wahoo ..

Am really really really happy, beyond words and measure ! Its like a dream unfolding itself right in front of your eyes, and you are still there, as if struck by a lightning wondering whether all this is real.

Beautiful.

I guess i’m now a student again, a nice transition on the whole i would say. From being a immature, kiddish, freakout undergrad to a professional, still somewhat immature, software engineer to now a devoted, focussed and probably 😉 mature student in the future …

Nothing more to do as such. Got lots of relatives to visit. Got an India trip to complete. And of course get drunk like a maniac with all the friends i know and to deplete my bank balance :)

Well it didn’t begin well but it’s going well and i don’t know how its going to end. Will see .. Am hanging on the rope. Still…

Work beyond unemployment !

Yeah, as of now, i am officially unemployed ! Feels kind of crazy doing this but probably i wouldn’t have been happy any other way. My work with computers now seems very distant and i don’t know what kinds of apparatus are waiting to be touched by these hands of mine …

Well anyway got loads and loads of work to do before the visa interview on June 21. The financial docs are especially a huge pain-in-the-ass. It takes a disgusting amount of time to discuss, decide and then find the right people to get the final documentation ready.

I am not expecting anything weird to happen on the D-day. Prepared enough by backtracking the interviewer’s POV on the department, financial standings, projects and background. Well it doesn’t matter really though.

Whatever in all this mess, i just realized that even though i’m unemployed now, i guess i’m doing probably twice the amount of work i got done back at Dell.

Sauron: Offer and acceptance

“As a small token of your friendship Sauron asks this,” he said: “that you should find this thief,” such was his word, “and get from him, willing or no, a little ring, the least of rings, that once he stole. It is but a trifle that Sauron fancies, and an earnest of your good will. Find it, and three rings that the Dwarf-sires possessed of old shall be returned to you, and the realm of Moria shall be yours for ever. Find only news of the thief, whether he still lives and where, and you shall have great reward and lasting friendship from the Lord. Refuse, and things will not seem so well. Do you refuse?”

–The Fellowship of the Ring, in “The Council of Elrond”

Read the exact meaning of what Sauron states … This is funny and crazy beyond explanation !

A birthday !

Time, the eternal, flows past
The matter that we are, watching muddled ;
Steady with no hurry, neither slow nor fast
He waits for nobody, the final riddle.
A year has now passed.

hmm ..

Actually, this is what i sent to everyone at Dell. Realized that not everyone would understand the kind of depth i felt at the moment and would be inappropriate to make them understand too .. So, wrote this condensed version of it and sent it to all the employees .. Well here goes …

Comrades, Developers.

Today is my last day at Dell. Hours from now, my records will become obsolete in every Dell’s enterprise system. My every login access will get disabled as though a warrior is stripped away from his sword. Well that’s the truth. And by that time, i would be doing what i’ve always wanted to do, probably far far away from here.

There have been great times, bitter times, arguments, subtle moments, realizations, aspirations and what not in this place, all through my 2 years here in Dell. There are too many things that i would love to say but too little time for now.

There is a beautiful quote which puts what i want to say with perfect precision concisely.

“Blessed is he who has found his work. Let him ask for no other blessedness.”

And i think i’ve found my work …

All the best to you all ! And if there is anything that i can do to you at any point of time, feel free to contact me.

Thanks for everything, guys !

Leaving Dell …

Comrades, Warriors, Developers.

Here i am at the fag end of my professional life, at the first and probably the last software company i’ve and will ever work for. After 2 years of working here in Dell, i might not have learned much in what i was interested before, but have learnt things that i didn’t have any idea back then. Confusing but the truth. The feeling still lingers, but all just a thought. The feeling of caught in a storm, with people and computers and the mind. Now it has subsided… Today is my last day here in Dell.

I’ve had some really great times, technically, professionally, personally, and in many more subtler ways which cannot be put in words. But bitterness has always found its way through in terms of difference of opinion and bureaucracy, elevation of process to religion and what not. And all the time the music that flowed with the code, code everywhere as though you are in the Matrix but alas again just a thought in this place. And suddenly as though the Zen of programming came before me and instructed “Do not think of the project as lines of code, but perceive it as a construct in your mind. Make the changes in your mind, and serialize them into code.”, i accepted the truth like a zombie and keyed-in the instructions without a second thought until i realized one fine day that i’ve got a repetetive stress injury ! How tragic, like a death of a warrior fighting his nemesis, to clean out the scum but falls invariably because of being the sole fighter amongst infinity. But amidst all this, the bitter sweet symphony as Mozart would have put it, continues still and hums its rythm in harmony …

The dream of doing all that i wanted has never weakened through all this struggle. I’m going for my higher studies now, something that i’ve always desired more than anything else … And i’ve got an admit in Texas A&M university with complete financial assistanship and a fellowship. All that remains is to follow that dream and crack open the door which is the bliss, unseen, unheard and not felt ever before. That is what i seek forth.

Why ? Why ? Why ? You ask. I’ve asked before. But for all that there is only one answer i can think of.

“Blessed is he who has found his work. Let him ask for no other blessedness.”

And i think i’ve found my work …

Eternal sleep

Sleep. Everyone sleeps. Some short and some very long.
But in every short doze thy feeling gets much closer ;
Every second blissful, feels like singing a song.
In every move of the dream, a feeling as if caught in a trance ;
Elated, excited, enjoying this chaotic dance.

Every moment passing, brings in more depression,
But the feeling never wanting to end ;
Is this pleasure ? I wonder. Probably Yes and No ;
Rotting alone in misery, with abundant feelings to tend.
Spirits soar again thinking about the long long way to go.

Aspiring for more but ill fate to dampen the velocity,
Hanging on, every moment trying to quench this curiosity,
It’s not my time to go, and there is so much more to know
And miles to go before i sleep,
And miles to go before i sleep…