The Tsunami.

On a black day, joy overflowing,
When mind is still submerged in mirth and revelry,
Somewhere, someplace i have been to, is washed away.
In tears and agony, the Tsunami engulfs the land.

All the human race, claims the ultimate power,
But all it takes from my mother is a whisker.
Everything known in the square radius
Brought down in a blink of a second.

For good or for bad, i cannot judge.
Everything has a meaning but maybe not.
I cannot extend my hand for help, this far away,
But here is my gift, to all ye souls rejoined with my mother.

This petty money would not save the day
But all i can do is offer it and pray.
Peace take me and offer serenity
Burn my agony and blessed be thee.

1

A black day.

It seemed like just another awfully dull day but when i get up in the morning, the first thing i hear today is that there has been a powerful earthquake near Sumatra which affected Chennai. I could not even understand how a quake at Sumatra could bring such devastation to chennai from nowhere.

The more i read now about Tsunamis, the more i understand on how terrible it must be back there now. When there is absolutely nothing to do back here for me, there are a lot of things i could be doing. Maybe this feeling comes only when you miss something so badly, so much that it is hard to put it in words.

I still can feel those days at the seaward roads in Thiruvanmiyur house. It was not far off from the impact site of today but back then, believe me, it was heaven. All the early morning baths at the sea, on the shallow side of it, the cricket matches i used to play and what not ! Now nothing more than a memory but imprints dispersed in the vast ocean …

Can’t stop getting disgusted of the selfish me, again. Amidst all this chaos, all i can think of is about my memories … You freak.

1

The beautiful irony.

All the grades are out and yeah i did better than most like i said. But huh, there is this something that is still bothering me still. What is it ? I wonder.

Then in a flash, it call falls into place. The monte carlo code for one of my courses. I got 40/150 points in that special problem which might have made a huge difference in my grades. But that was not meant to be because i couldn’t get my report right.

However trivial it does seem, the irony is that, i screwed up the only part where my previous 2 years of work would have made a difference. Coding ! All i had to do was to build an awesome code, reusable, inheritable and blah blah blah and to get it to work to get the right results. And you know what, i finally did that too :) Felt wonderful ! Like as though i already managed to get a nobel prize for that !!

Then came the thunder. I had to write a neat report and discuss the results now. This program of mine, runs like a maniac and is freakin customizable beyond even MY imagination. It worked so well you know ! But to get the report right, i have to run it in non-accurate ways which my program does not support .. he he .. sounds funny doesn’t it ! But yeah thats how it works.

Anyway, this report was kind of messed up in the end because i had two consecutive night outs and was aching to drop down into that cozy layer in the sleeping bag. There couldn’t have been a worse time to do the report ! Added to all that, the age old habit of hating managerial reports came in handy to amplify these emotions, to write a not so detailed report in the end. I just happened to forget that the evaluator is a dumb moron who has no clue what my code does but only understands that from my report !

There goes my credits … Another crib to the list !

That !

That is that for which words exist not, to explain ;
That is everywhere and it is That we see.
That we feel, we sense, we hear without reason to complain
That is in every matter, stars, and from the mountains to sea.

It is That which is alive, and That which isn’t.
It is That which stays and That which doesn’t.
It is That which exists and nothing else does.
It is That which creates energy and That which takes.

That which is seen and That which radiates,
That which reflects and that we cannot see
That which is physical and that with no form
That which is everything there is, was, ever will be.
What name do i give That, O Thee.

Whatdyaknow !

Huh ! Guess what ! I did do well in the last semester ! My grades are out and i managed to get 3.55/4 ! Not bad considering the fact that i had absolutely no previous knowledge of the jargons and the notations, the complex math and most of all, coping up with homeworks and exams after being out of touch for over 2 years !!! Just giving a pat to myself. That’s all :)

All is set for the Chicago trip. Only that i dont have any sort of thermals or sweaters other than my jacket ! The forecast predicts that the climate over there on 28th is going to be pretty nasty ! The average temperature being 15F ! Crap … Though i cant wait to see the snow and all that, i sure as hell wouldnt like my balls to be frozen while walking around …

Trying to push the days along now .. Been working on creating this own site of mine ! The Unknownreference Home site !! Aha ! Been writing my custom code in ASP.NET ! Quite a past time it has become .. Otherwise, been helping out PK to get his essays and stuff ready for his apping …

Alright. Time to get going. Hungry now ! No food at home and all the caffeine from morning is making me uneasy already. Better go and cook something …

Pride hurts

Time passes by, as usual, for nothing it seems to care,
Creating the life and memories in its silent ways.
This miniscule being stuck here, awaiting the next nightmare
Just vegetates in unthinkable precision for the past few days.

Why this weird lump in the throat, the passion,
The fire, the spirit, the love, the feel.
What doth all this energy, Fusion and Fission,
Mean against the chaos in the mind that kills ?

That beautiful feeling living alone once
Has created this monster that hates company.
The pride without which though it hurts
But hurts even more to live with it.

Sanity so very delicate to preserve
Amidst such vagary of doubts and fears.
What thee fear destroys all ye fights for
But fear does seem hold the sanity here.

Come out of the shell, and live free
Without limits to the mind and life.
This mind is late on its quest, for the green tree
But better late than never for my time still is alive.

3

Exams up !

Wahoo ! The exams are over and all went well… I might not have been the brightest student in class but i did better than most :) Anyway, i still have to figure out a way to waste my time till the classes start again Jan 20th.

Went to a class party right after exams. Felt pretty weird at first sitting with my prof and drinkin beer but then got used to the idea later .. Was good fun. Would have definitely loved to have a sip with my mates back in India right now but alas, all i need now is some more patience. The time will come and i shall come back to feel that excitement again .. Not very far for sure 😉

Will be going to chicago on 28th Dec and will be there till the 4th of Jan. Can’t wait to see snow at last. Heard its pretty cold out there and for a guy from Texas, it sure as hell will be freaking cold. Just remembered that i need to get my license too. Crap !

Life has become so very dreary nowadays. Nothing to do at all. Even the highway is deserted. Could play some cricket on the roads you know. If i can just get some pictures huh ! But the darn credit card companies wont give me a credit card so that i can buy a camera online … Tricky situation here about hte credit histories and stuff like that. More details later on that !

Most of my roomates are graduating this semester and i’ll be stuck with just another guy in the room. Somehow my wavelength doesnt seem to match theirs. Weird and ugh. Lets not talk about that now !

Guess i am just gonna have to crib like this, watch some junk movies, keep reading novels from library and vegetate on till 28th. hmm me checking out now to do some surfing ..

1

What a month !

This month is definitely something that i might remember for a long long time to come .. I’ve got no count on the number of new things i did, i learnt, new people i met, things i created. Freaks me out trying to count them all ! Maybe i might have done much more before but what’s important here is that the element of surprise in each new thing i did was cool 😉

What did i do ?! hmm .. I aced some of my tests, got some cool grades after slogging my butt out enough. Wrote an amazing code for Monte carlo simulation using a custom written Random number generator in C# in a week 😉 Drank wine in enormous amounts that my room mates are scared to host me anymore … Got a new computer for 500$ from a guy here with a mondo neat configuration. (Reminds me of the home comp back in India though .. sob sob ! ) and went to austin once and had a great time at 6th street … (just drinking and listening to live music.. what else ?!)

My only crib though was that i missed the Metallica show at San antonio. Would have loved to go if only i had some good company here .. Myla ?! When you coming here da ?? Can’t wait.

The climate is sending shivers down my spine every time i come out of the house .. the never-get-up-from-a-cozy-sleep-to-attend-class syndrome is catching up on my enthusiastic brains to taste the pleasure of comfortable warm nightmareless sleep ..

Anyway my finals are starting off next week.. I’ve haven’t posted as often i would love to post here .. but now that i have a computer at home, things are bound to change .. Will see :)