Beloved

Searching and searching all these times
I finally know not what i want.
Beloved, my love, what are thou ?
Am i even searching for thee ? Not sure.
But incomplete feelings haunt at all times.

Beloved, art thou a woman I seek ?
Who shall answer the riddle of contradiction ?
Art thou my other half, the remaining hemisphere
Or is it just another myth that muddles the mind ?
Blank yet full, is it only part of the sphere ?

If thou art a woman, right for me
What am i seeking more from thy spirit ?
Is it again the lust, for i am a mortal
Or is it imperceptibly purer and truer than that ?
Question, questions. What answer will releive this spirit ?

If thou art a woman, the one for me
Whom i’ve seeked to unity, all eternity
Then art thou the missing serenity ?
In all forms, incomplete with a similar search
Art thou the only luminosity, I seek ?

But what is it that i desire ?
I found you, now what ? Then what ?
Is it the marriage, the physical bondage
Or is it a mutual emotional understanding
Or what else is there to desire ?

Like a friend says, I dont want more,
No more little nils, producing little nils,
producing little nils, and even more …
Enough misery here laid and no more to give
I desire not this trap anymore.

Beloved, crooked my vision might be
The incomplete half you are, that i dont see.
But may be the wretchedness is due to thy absence
I know not but patiently waiting for thee,
The wait, sweet and miserable for all eternity.

Neutron