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Right now and … what ?

Yeah am still alive, very much. Lots of things happening lately and just haven’t had enough time to post anything. Once in a while, i get some really interesting thoughts but by the time i get my lazy ass to the computer, the motivation to type a long post just vanishes into thin air. I end up making a note to myself and hoping that i’ll look back at that later, move on with my life.

Time has become one bizzarely rare commodity and i am beginning to so badly wish for a 30 hour/day schedule. Damn the earth for rotating so fast. The only thing i remember each day is getting up late and going back to bed really late. Everything else in the middle seems to be monotonous and involuntary. No. I am not cribbing about my work but just that the research is progressing at an amazing pace that i do not have time to even do my laundry.

Phase 1 in my research is complete and i am probably way ahead than the rest of my class-mates in terms of amount of completion. But Phase 2 is a monster on which i am working on currently. It hogs all the time i have. The physics, the math, the software design and the actual coding in both MATLAB and .NET is making me bonkers. Dell was truly a paradise with lots of time to read but ironically, i might have caught up in pace with all the technological advancements i missed out in the past one year by reading blogs, articles and stories, news on .NET and general programming. I am in the process of designing my software code for the computational model and i can clearly see that the old tricks are still in the bag ! Wonderful.

My PhD qualifiers are coming up this september and haven’t even started preparing for the behemoth. I am scared to my bones even thinking about it. I have to clear the qualifer this time, no matter what. Amidst all the chaos that is happening right now, i still need to squeeze in more time for the preparation. Oh well. Another challenge coming up. Need to get more coffee from the grocery store.

The other day, I saw a bunch of Indian guys playing cricket on a nearby field. Fragile as i am, the feeling more intensified with the monotony, with strong desires to play, i walked away. Ironic. Confusing. But that’s how weird my mind is working these days. So then, i forced myself to play soccer at the recreation center and midway through the game i realized that i had no stamina left to run anymore. I had to bail out and watch the rest of the match from the stands. It was worse than pathetic. At the end of it all, there is just one conclusion. I need to take more time out and play something daily or am not gonna last my target of sweet 32, no matter what 😉

And oh yeah. Forgot my other recent addiction these days. “Unreal Tournament”. I remember back in those good old college days, when night out was just another regular day in ‘Octagon’ – the computer lab, playing Unreal on the network with an alias “HellRaiser”. That sure as hell was fun 😉 Now, after almost 4 years, the memory haunts and the mind fell for it. So i installed Unreal and started playing online, using my unlimited DSL connection, and life has taken a twisted turn.

Sleep which i once so dearly loved, for which i bunked so many classes in college, so many morning hours with meetings in Dell, has become just another triviality. I don’t have to go to my office daily, and i do most of my work at home. But i still don’t have enough time to do lots of stuff i have wanted to do. It ain’t stress management or work management. That’s bull given by managers in a Dilbertish environment. There simply isn’t enough time ! Does anyone understand that ? Again. I ain’t cribbing my ass off here. That’s not the point. The fact i am pointing out is that either there simply isn’t enough time to go around in a day or i am surely becoming slower at what i do best. God i hope it’s the first one. Or maybe i just need more sleep.

Neutron

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