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Steppingstone to evolution secret ?!
by Neutron on Jul.25, 2005, under Uncategorized
If similarly closely related species are living side-by-side, the researchers noticed, they frequently look strikingly different – their “teams” are clearly advertised.This has the effect of discouraging inter-species mating, thus encouraging genetic isolation and species divergence.
This process, called “reinforcementâ€, prevents closely related species from interbreeding thus driving them further apart genetically and promoting speciation.
A lovable text for Humanity
by Neutron on Jul.24, 2005, under Uncategorized
From an outside observer’s point of view…You sure are interesting, little ants, crawling around on a largely uninteresting little sphere you honestly believe you control. You do not understand the wonder that surrounds you in this vast Universe, but each and every one of you believes you are the center of it. Most of the time, your tiny tragedies and victories are the only thing that matters. You rush around, acting all serious and important, as though your next wrong step could cause all of existence to collapse around you.
From Matrix : Agent Smith to Morpheus -
I’d like to share a… revelation I had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to… classify your species. I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but… you humans do not. You move to an area… and you multiply and multiply… until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to.. spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Humans beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet… and we… are the cure.
Right now and … what ?
by Neutron on Jul.15, 2005, under Uncategorized
Time has become one bizzarely rare commodity and i am beginning to so badly wish for a 30 hour/day schedule. Damn the earth for rotating so fast. The only thing i remember each day is getting up late and going back to bed really late. Everything else in the middle seems to be monotonous and involuntary. No. I am not cribbing about my work but just that the research is progressing at an amazing pace that i do not have time to even do my laundry.
My PhD qualifiers are coming up this september and haven’t even started preparing for the behemoth. I am scared to my bones even thinking about it. I have to clear the qualifer this time, no matter what. Amidst all the chaos that is happening right now, i still need to squeeze in more time for the preparation. Oh well. Another challenge coming up. Need to get more coffee from the grocery store.
The other day, I saw a bunch of Indian guys playing cricket on a nearby field. Fragile as i am, the feeling more intensified with the monotony, with strong desires to play, i walked away. Ironic. Confusing. But that’s how weird my mind is working these days. So then, i forced myself to play soccer at the recreation center and midway through the game i realized that i had no stamina left to run anymore. I had to bail out and watch the rest of the match from the stands. It was worse than pathetic. At the end of it all, there is just one conclusion. I need to take more time out and play something daily or am not gonna last my target of sweet 32, no matter what
And oh yeah. Forgot my other recent addiction these days. “Unreal Tournament”. I remember back in those good old college days, when night out was just another regular day in ‘Octagon’ – the computer lab, playing Unreal on the network with an alias “HellRaiser”. That sure as hell was fun Now, after almost 4 years, the memory haunts and the mind fell for it. So i installed Unreal and started playing online, using my unlimited DSL connection, and life has taken a twisted turn.
Sleep which i once so dearly loved, for which i bunked so many classes in college, so many morning hours with meetings in Dell, has become just another triviality. I don’t have to go to my office daily, and i do most of my work at home. But i still don’t have enough time to do lots of stuff i have wanted to do. It ain’t stress management or work management. That’s bull given by managers in a Dilbertish environment. There simply isn’t enough time ! Does anyone understand that ? Again. I ain’t cribbing my ass off here. That’s not the point. The fact i am pointing out is that either there simply isn’t enough time to go around in a day or i am surely becoming slower at what i do best. God i hope it’s the first one. Or maybe i just need more sleep.
Back at College Station
by Neutron on Jun.11, 2005, under Uncategorized
Anyway, the transformation into the psychotic, socially allergic student I used to be has already started.
I have already started to forget the taste of dosas. The taste of sandwitches, burgers and pizza linger now.
The constant company of friends has vanished. Back to the same old ‘Me, Myself and my solitude’.
The never ending sleeping schedule is gone. ‘Sleep on ration’ is about to kick in !
Research : ‘What the hell is that ?’. hmm. 10 days ago, I would have said that. But, now i’ve got to do my work. So ye reactors, prepare yourself to be dissected.
The pathetically slow dialup connection is gone. DSL : Here i come.
My body clock still does not understand ‘why the daylight shows up when i am about to go to sleep and is already gone when i wake up !’
The transformation has been slow but steady. My house is in a mess. Reminds me of the house at Coles park.
Results
by Neutron on May.25, 2005, under Uncategorized
But thats what my record says and i dont want to go against it !
Boys ! Here i come .. be ready to get wasted !
Fun or torture ?
by Neutron on May.24, 2005, under Uncategorized
First, the trip lasted for a whopping 30 hours, with barely any sleep. This was after some gruelling 4 continous nightouts before the trip. Well doesnt sound like fun to me …
The stay at moosh’s place after landing at Bangalore. Well was fun meeting all the old boys after a long time .. Johnnie Walker played his tune, and soared everyone’s spirits .. Definitely more fun. But wait, at the end of the day, well night actually, just before the trip to coimbatore, the feeling was miserable. The climate was hot and humid, and i was probably running a fever but well that sole thought of seeing family drove me home and managed a ride on a shitty airplane. Almost weirdly, and masochistically fun.
Meeting the whole crowd back here .. Definitely pure joy !
The jet lag, the prize i paid, was sheer torture. The more i tried to stay awake, the lesser i did. As though the never experienced hangover of spirits tried to take a different form throughout the body and make it cringe with pain, the whole body crumbled. Ugh. I really hated this part.
A trip to Calicut on a unreserved train, standing for 2 hrs with a bad feeling in the leg and sweat engrossed t-shirt. Pathetic.
Meeting Mom. Awesome.
The function at Calicut and all the folks i met, felt good.
The aftermath, serious talks, responsibility issues, and lots more. No idea what to classify that as. Lots more to think about now and to tax this worked out brain even more.
Another pathetic return journey on Bus from Calicut. Couldn’t have screwed my back any worse !
Right now, with a serious decision to make, with a pain in the back, this is scary. I am having orgasms due to the pressure but am freaking out because of the consequences. ( This is not for you readers … Cryptic i may be, obvious it might seem, it still does not mean anything to you but just me … maybe will explain it later when i’ve made that certain decision.)
Anyway for now, can’t wait for the trip to blore. I probably want to forget about some things and re-live the old feeling ! As of always, the days shall pass, and i will wait. Adios.
Finals, India trip and my research.
by Neutron on May.06, 2005, under Uncategorized
Random thoughts
by Neutron on May.05, 2005, under Uncategorized
Reality and fantasy, differs by just a thin line
But it is all in the mind that believes both to be real
Above doubts, race of thoughts do decline
Until there are none, and drifts back into the surreal.
Where goeth the path of the motivated ?
Where does the truth lead the broken mind ?
All good and evil concealed in this single head
Illusions and reality do not seem any different.
Am i to find the perfect action among all the others ?
Aren’t all actions equally righteous ?
When the enlightment occurs during meditation,
The flash purifies and gives light to the self within.
How many things i have wished, and wanted
If the will is strong enough, it does not wane
Nor give up the desire to do the unlimited
If and only if the mind is still sane.
All Tsunamis do seem miniscule compared to this will !
Night outs.
by Neutron on Apr.22, 2005, under Uncategorized
So as the night comes, as though the body clock has felt it, my senses become more acute and work better than before. Well it does seem like an over-exaggeration but i didnt realize that until today. This has to be one of the best night-outs ever ! Not for a reason like being drunk to the bone and laying flat, playing cards with good ol’ buddies but for a reason i had least suspected myself. I was writing this wretchedly complex piece of code to solve a 2-group diffusion equation, which is a tough one by the way, to finish in 24 hrs. In 12 straight hours during day, i had completed 1/4 of the code but then after the night chipped in, the fingers were typing all by themselves, a code so beautiful, modular and systematic which i couldnt have dreamed of even during a day’s sleep
May 12th, where art thou ?The elation with a relation
by Neutron on Apr.19, 2005, under Uncategorized
There is a new mail .. But it is time for class and almost over 2 in the afternoon. My stomach is churning out weird sounds to show its hunger and anger, and is probably eating away my flesh in full glory. But here is a new mail to take the mind off from the hunger.
Still in a dilemma whether to read it right away or to go to class, i decide to see the subject alone. And like a bloom on a stormy day, it was titled ‘A good news !’ from a cousin of mine. Awesome, i thought.
Clicked the mouse and waited for the page to load. Maybe i was too tired to think and so i just stared. Along came the page with just one line of message.
My sis is now a mother and i am an uncle to twin babies i might not see for another month.
Supremo fantastico ! In the silence, amidst the chaos, despite the distance, two new relations were created ! Life brought into being. Beautiful ! Long live my twin nephews …
Weird Science 7
by Neutron on Apr.10, 2005, under Uncategorized
Weird Science 6
by Neutron on Apr.05, 2005, under Uncategorized
A very nice trick. But i have no clue where i got this from though. Will post the link if i find it ! It is Wicked
Get Instantly Arrested
Success in failure
by Neutron on Mar.09, 2005, under Uncategorized
A test so trivial that even a whiner wouldn’t care
Floods this heart with so much pain and despair
Where from did this start, this passion for perfection
That it hurts to lose and spirals back into affliction ?
Weird it is. Or so it does seem.
As though a task needs to be completed, like in a dream,
Something strange at work pushes constantly
This psychic that aspires beyond chains.
The truth as always, is hidden to the naked eye.
Obvious and resplendent only when the mind awakes in pain
We learn by repetition and so i repeat.
All is good and chain of events continues without a dead beat.
Painkillers, the story
by Neutron on Mar.04, 2005, under Uncategorized
No pleasant story here, If that’s what you are looking for. It is just the usual crib of a over worked soul in agonizing body pain trying to improvize himself with the help of painkillers. But let the hype not overshadow the fact that, this post is the result of a single painkiller, over which i am not addicted to, yet, but realized the potential addiction factor as a result of the amplitude of bliss that it delivers. Now here it goes.
Ever wondered if painkillers really did work ? I have. Everytime i see someone take a painkiller, i have given it so much thought on how these things do work, on how these chemicals can actually find out which part of your body aches the most and then relieve you off the misery in a short time. It was like a mystery unresolved in my mind for quite a long time. Maybe it was because i’ve avoided them all my life and managed to live with whatever bodily pain i had and have Time as the only medicine to cure it off.
I have come to learn that ‘Words are Words. Experience teaches Better’. And you don’t know how well a painkiller works unless you are in agonizing pain, that you could bite off a piece of wood out of the furniture to manage it and then use a painkiller as a last option. And then it dawns upon you that this darned thing actually does work and the effects are perceptible !
The back pain, which usually starts off like a harmless streak of pain in the lower spinal area, gradually develops into something you wouldn’t feel normal, if it didn’t exist. Now, it can get to a stage when pain can be very satisfying and motivating. Not that i am a masochist per se, in that perspective, but it really motivates you. Believe me ! and so once you cross these pleasurable limits, the pain is no longer bearable but the whole body twitches in agony, literally. So now you figure out a way to minimize it, at last by throwing out the chair you’ve been using, by eating more regularly, by trying to get atleast 6 hrs of sleep daily, by trying to keep up a more vigourous schedule. But then you realize that you are beyond remedy at this point and need some serious shit to recover.
That is when the painkillers kick in. They are the life savers. The life renewers. The silent killers. They can kick ass and drive out the pain in proportions never seen before. They can convert a non-believer to a believer in no time at all. And guess what, i do believe in them now.
And so the simple moral of this story is that “You cannot judge the goodness of something without experiencing the misery it negates”. Guess philosophy only flows when you are in pain ! You find the best or the worst in you. Somehow weirdly it reminds me of “Fight club” and Tyler Durden. Do i have a Tyler within me ? Yet to find that out !
Holy crap. I never thought that i can write junk that well. Oh well, there goes the story of the painkillers … And life treads on …
The touch of Death
by Neutron on Mar.03, 2005, under Uncategorized
Dreams and hallucinations like a bitter emotion
Haunts the mind that evolves constantly
The expansion of thoughts into unresolved boundaries
Reaching beyond the abysmal depths ;
All the questions remain unanswered forever.
The truth is merely a fact.
Neither a question nor an accompanying answer.
The search leads to more complex thoughts
And just leads to a more futile premise
Beyond understanding and science and logic.
This body undergoes the pain, everyday
The mind rejoices and deceives to elate itself
Into a higher path, without noticing the self destruction.
All ye Life decays continually,
To reach life beyond, without material bonds.
Death seems like an angel hovering over the shoulder,
To relieve this mortal spirit out of bondage.
Perceived dark but in-essence bright beyond any star
Full of compassion and truth, without a path through reason ;
Where doth these thoughts lead astray the broken mind ?
Somehow the touch of Death feels sweeter.
Like the remedy of all this crass behaviour
And untended emotions.
As though once felt before, all Life does decay continously
To reach this new life unknown for more bliss or pain …
-
What is The Chaotic-Neutron ?
This is a collection of my thoughts from the mundane to engineering research, from attempted poetry to absolute philosophy, that drives me, with an occasional rant on life.
If you find something interesting, drop me a line. 
Quote of the day.- Abraham Lincoln"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." […]
- Abraham Lincoln