The Chaotic-Neutron » Uncategorized

Steppingstone to evolution secret ?!

Neutron — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 12:43:00 +0000

Just read the article – “Butterfly unlocks evolution secret” over at BBC.

The article does not throw enough light on the background of the theories and on how the observations exactly connect with them. Over excitedly, I was looking for the answer to the basic question “Why ?” in the article and was sorely disappointed. But It does cover about speciation and specifically due to geographical differences for reasons that would become obvious after reading the following sentence.

If similarly closely related species are living side-by-side, the researchers noticed, they frequently look strikingly different – their “teams” are clearly advertised.

This has the effect of discouraging inter-species mating, thus encouraging genetic isolation and species divergence.

This process, called â€œreinforcementâ€, prevents closely related species from interbreeding thus driving them further apart genetically and promoting speciation.

Well eventhough this sort of thing is intuitive, IMO, knowledge is nothing but memories digged out from our own mind, hidden until the right moment, felt in a flash as intuition ! Before i become more philosophical, just read the article. Nothing mind-bending really but definitely worth the time.

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A lovable text for Humanity

Neutron — Sun, 24 Jul 2005 08:03:00 +0000

Wandering through the vagaries of cyber-space, on a hectic day, with a tired mind, I saw a good post about a love song for humanity. It ain’t a song per se, but its been beautifully written. Very simple language and eerily true to reality. Enjoyed this between my self-absorbed research session and surely chuckled with happiness about the blatant truth, and resumed my work again

Excerpt :

From an outside observerâ€™s point of viewâ€¦

You sure are interesting, little ants, crawling around on a largely uninteresting little sphere you honestly believe you control. You do not understand the wonder that surrounds you in this vast Universe, but each and every one of you believes you are the center of it. Most of the time, your tiny tragedies and victories are the only thing that matters. You rush around, acting all serious and important, as though your next wrong step could cause all of existence to collapse around you.

Read on …

Reminded me of the famous Smith’s dialogue from Matrix. I could have repeated that dialogue without referring to it. Its so burnt into my mind for reasons i consciously do not know ! Anyway, here is the beauty for your pleasure.

From Matrix : Agent Smith to Morpheus -

I’d like to share a… revelation I had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to… classify your species. I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but… you humans do not. You move to an area… and you multiply and multiply… until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to.. spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Humans beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet… and we… are the cure.

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Right now and … what ?

Neutron — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 11:15:00 +0000

Yeah am still alive, very much. Lots of things happening lately and just haven’t had enough time to post anything. Once in a while, i get some really interesting thoughts but by the time i get my lazy ass to the computer, the motivation to type a long post just vanishes into thin air. I end up making a note to myself and hoping that i’ll look back at that later, move on with my life.

Time has become one bizzarely rare commodity and i am beginning to so badly wish for a 30 hour/day schedule. Damn the earth for rotating so fast. The only thing i remember each day is getting up late and going back to bed really late. Everything else in the middle seems to be monotonous and involuntary. No. I am not cribbing about my work but just that the research is progressing at an amazing pace that i do not have time to even do my laundry.

Phase 1 in my research is complete and i am probably way ahead than the rest of my class-mates in terms of amount of completion. But Phase 2 is a monster on which i am working on currently. It hogs all the time i have. The physics, the math, the software design and the actual coding in both MATLAB and .NET is making me bonkers. Dell was truly a paradise with lots of time to read but ironically, i might have caught up in pace with all the technological advancements i missed out in the past one year by reading blogs, articles and stories, news on .NET and general programming. I am in the process of designing my software code for the computational model and i can clearly see that the old tricks are still in the bag ! Wonderful.

My PhD qualifiers are coming up this september and haven’t even started preparing for the behemoth. I am scared to my bones even thinking about it. I have to clear the qualifer this time, no matter what. Amidst all the chaos that is happening right now, i still need to squeeze in more time for the preparation. Oh well. Another challenge coming up. Need to get more coffee from the grocery store.

The other day, I saw a bunch of Indian guys playing cricket on a nearby field. Fragile as i am, the feeling more intensified with the monotony, with strong desires to play, i walked away. Ironic. Confusing. But that’s how weird my mind is working these days. So then, i forced myself to play soccer at the recreation center and midway through the game i realized that i had no stamina left to run anymore. I had to bail out and watch the rest of the match from the stands. It was worse than pathetic. At the end of it all, there is just one conclusion. I need to take more time out and play something daily or am not gonna last my target of sweet 32, no matter what

And oh yeah. Forgot my other recent addiction these days. “Unreal Tournament”. I remember back in those good old college days, when night out was just another regular day in ‘Octagon’ – the computer lab, playing Unreal on the network with an alias “HellRaiser”. That sure as hell was fun Now, after almost 4 years, the memory haunts and the mind fell for it. So i installed Unreal and started playing online, using my unlimited DSL connection, and life has taken a twisted turn.

Sleep which i once so dearly loved, for which i bunked so many classes in college, so many morning hours with meetings in Dell, has become just another triviality. I don’t have to go to my office daily, and i do most of my work at home. But i still don’t have enough time to do lots of stuff i have wanted to do. It ain’t stress management or work management. That’s bull given by managers in a Dilbertish environment. There simply isn’t enough time ! Does anyone understand that ? Again. I ain’t cribbing my ass off here. That’s not the point. The fact i am pointing out is that either there simply isn’t enough time to go around in a day or i am surely becoming slower at what i do best. God i hope it’s the first one. Or maybe i just need more sleep.

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Back at College Station

Neutron — Sun, 12 Jun 2005 03:54:00 +0000

After a gruelling 32 hour ride, I am finally back in College station. You would expect my journey would have been eventless. But ahem. ‘Worse things can happen beyond your imagination at the least expected times, to people who are least prepared.’ (My personal Murphy’s extension !) And I will detail that story of mine in the next post.

Anyway, the transformation into the psychotic, socially allergic student I used to be has already started.

I have already started to forget the taste of dosas. The taste of sandwitches, burgers and pizza linger now.

The constant company of friends has vanished. Back to the same old ‘Me, Myself and my solitude’.

The never ending sleeping schedule is gone. ‘Sleep on ration’ is about to kick in !

Research : ‘What the hell is that ?’. hmm. 10 days ago, I would have said that. But, now i’ve got to do my work. So ye reactors, prepare yourself to be dissected.

The pathetically slow dialup connection is gone. DSL : Here i come.

My body clock still does not understand ‘why the daylight shows up when i am about to go to sleep and is already gone when i wake up !’

The transformation has been slow but steady. My house is in a mess. Reminds me of the house at Coles park.

I’ve already got a huge assignment which is due next monday. Work starts and Life has become more active. And time goes on …

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Results

Neutron — Wed, 25 May 2005 23:40:00 +0000

My second sem results are out. Definitely thought i would do well but never expected, you know what, ‘A perfect score’. I got a freakin 4.0/4.0 ! I dont care if you dont believe it, ‘coz the truth is that i dont believe it either But thats what my record says and i dont want to go against it !

Awesome. Only one thing left to do now … Find a reason and a company to get drunk .. but where am i ? In cbe. Shucks… No company but gotta wait till next weekend to freak out at blore !

Boys ! Here i come .. be ready to get wasted !

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Fun or torture ?

Neutron — Tue, 24 May 2005 23:30:00 +0000

What am i talking about ? Well actually everything till now after leaving the US.

First, the trip lasted for a whopping 30 hours, with barely any sleep. This was after some gruelling 4 continous nightouts before the trip. Well doesnt sound like fun to me …

The stay at moosh’s place after landing at Bangalore. Well was fun meeting all the old boys after a long time .. Johnnie Walker played his tune, and soared everyone’s spirits .. Definitely more fun. But wait, at the end of the day, well night actually, just before the trip to coimbatore, the feeling was miserable. The climate was hot and humid, and i was probably running a fever but well that sole thought of seeing family drove me home and managed a ride on a shitty airplane. Almost weirdly, and masochistically fun.

Meeting the whole crowd back here .. Definitely pure joy !

The jet lag, the prize i paid, was sheer torture. The more i tried to stay awake, the lesser i did. As though the never experienced hangover of spirits tried to take a different form throughout the body and make it cringe with pain, the whole body crumbled. Ugh. I really hated this part.

A trip to Calicut on a unreserved train, standing for 2 hrs with a bad feeling in the leg and sweat engrossed t-shirt. Pathetic.

Meeting Mom. Awesome.

The function at Calicut and all the folks i met, felt good.

The aftermath, serious talks, responsibility issues, and lots more. No idea what to classify that as. Lots more to think about now and to tax this worked out brain even more.

Another pathetic return journey on Bus from Calicut. Couldn’t have screwed my back any worse !

Right now, with a serious decision to make, with a pain in the back, this is scary. I am having orgasms due to the pressure but am freaking out because of the consequences. ( This is not for you readers … Cryptic i may be, obvious it might seem, it still does not mean anything to you but just me … maybe will explain it later when i’ve made that certain decision.)

Anyway for now, can’t wait for the trip to blore. I probably want to forget about some things and re-live the old feeling ! As of always, the days shall pass, and i will wait. Adios.

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Finals, India trip and my research.

Neutron — Sat, 07 May 2005 06:14:00 +0000

Ah another time out between tough schedules. My finals have started and thing this week has been badly screwed up but since i’ve got so very used to this non-sleepable-nights-only-workable time schedule, it has not been a bad problem.

I finally got my application for MS degree and the degree plan done. The highlight about the degree plan was the meeting with a math professor who is part of my graduate committee who has all the right to screw me inside out before i present my thesis. I had to make a presentation about the mathematics involved in my project before i can get a sign off on the degree plan. This part was fun ! I never thought i knew so much about what i was doing … And to my own surprise, i did really well

The test today on Thermal Hydraulics was awesome. My first open book test ever and apart from being hard, i sure as hell cracked it. Should definitely get an A on this one … We will see about it though …

Life is badly hectic but still monotonous and fast … Cant wait till next wednesday when all my finals will be done and my last extra credit lab report has been turned in and i finally start packing my stuff to the month long trip to India !!! Whoa ! Really can’t wait …

I never realized that i was so excited about going back to India. I even had a couple of dreams of driving an airplane, which i might interpret if i was a Freudian follower as an increased wish to go to India. Bloody awesome …

My research is going on perfectly as planned ! The highlight of the whole year definitely had to be something that my prof told me as a passing remark ! He told me that i was fit enough to teach a PhD level course with my knowledge in the project because i was so fast catching up with everything he was throwing at me … Long time since i had got a beautiful, appreciative remark like that ! Not getting my hopes high but my confidence levels are definitely above the clouds about clearing the PhD qualifier this September …

Alright, that rant has made my fingers tired … Coffee de Arabica. Where are thou ? Get me electric ! And sweet Wednesday, here i come !

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Random thoughts

Neutron — Thu, 05 May 2005 21:46:00 +0000

Reality and fantasy, differs by just a thin line
But it is all in the mind that believes both to be real
Above doubts, race of thoughts do decline
Until there are none, and drifts back into the surreal.

Where goeth the path of the motivated ?
Where does the truth lead the broken mind ?
All good and evil concealed in this single head
Illusions and reality do not seem any different.

Am i to find the perfect action among all the others ?
Aren’t all actions equally righteous ?
When the enlightment occurs during meditation,
The flash purifies and gives light to the self within.

How many things i have wished, and wanted
If the will is strong enough, it does not wane
Nor give up the desire to do the unlimited
If and only if the mind is still sane.
All Tsunamis do seem miniscule compared to this will !

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Night outs.

Neutron — Fri, 22 Apr 2005 16:14:00 +0000

In my past 6 years, there is one thing i’ve done the most and very consistently ! No matter what the situation, no matter how trivial the occasion, no matter how important the reason, i always have found a way to do a ‘Night-out’. Somehow over the years, i’ve become kind of nocturnal and weird as it sounds, fallen in love with the gloom of the night.

Mornings are one thing i hate the most than anything else, i can imagine right now ! I hate and despise them beyond anything else… But nothing great than a beautiful afternoon to wake up into and then start the day pleasantly … With a strong dose of caffeine, after skipping breakfast and lunch, hoping to have something during the evening and eventually forgetting that, night so very quickly shrouds on you before you even know it ! Time, the one thing that heals and the one thing i seem to lack the most … hmm it does sound like some movie dialogue. But anyway, the point is that i have liked the moon better than the sun !

So as the night comes, as though the body clock has felt it, my senses become more acute and work better than before. Well it does seem like an over-exaggeration but i didnt realize that until today. This has to be one of the best night-outs ever ! Not for a reason like being drunk to the bone and laying flat, playing cards with good ol’ buddies but for a reason i had least suspected myself. I was writing this wretchedly complex piece of code to solve a 2-group diffusion equation, which is a tough one by the way, to finish in 24 hrs. In 12 straight hours during day, i had completed 1/4 of the code but then after the night chipped in, the fingers were typing all by themselves, a code so beautiful, modular and systematic which i couldnt have dreamed of even during a day’s sleep

Well, there is also one previous record of mine that i broke today. My longest night-out ever ! This historic moment lasted for 33 1/2 hrs which i don’t think i’ll forget until i break it again ! Yeah i am weird to remember anything like this ! But that’s just me ! And at the end of it all, my code works perfectly its way through the complex equations, and churns out data, iteration after iteration, relentlessly amd gives accurate answers the way it is supposed to ! How wonderfully more satisfied can i get ?! Another record that i broke today is a row of 4 night-outs with a total of 14 hrs sleep this week ! Definitely, a tough one to break again …

To top it all off with cream and sugar, i debugged 3 other fellow student’s code in Fortran when i had no idea what the heck their logic was to begin with. Somehow, it seems that the coder in me thrives more than ever, contrary to what i had imagined. This is so freaking cool !

Yup. Me showing all the geeky qualities of a graduate student. But maybe its just the lack of sleep talking now. hmm .. i am so Goddamm burnt out May 12th, where art thou ?

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The elation with a relation

Neutron — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 06:00:00 +0000

There is a new mail .. But it is time for class and almost over 2 in the afternoon. My stomach is churning out weird sounds to show its hunger and anger, and is probably eating away my flesh in full glory. But here is a new mail to take the mind off from the hunger.

Still in a dilemma whether to read it right away or to go to class, i decide to see the subject alone. And like a bloom on a stormy day, it was titled ‘A good news !’ from a cousin of mine. Awesome, i thought.

Clicked the mouse and waited for the page to load. Maybe i was too tired to think and so i just stared. Along came the page with just one line of message.

My sis is now a mother and i am an uncle to twin babies i might not see for another month.

Supremo fantastico ! In the silence, amidst the chaos, despite the distance, two new relations were created ! Life brought into being. Beautiful ! Long live my twin nephews …

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Weird Science 7

Neutron — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 01:59:00 +0000

‘Levitation’ is a wonderful thing and who would have thought that this beautiful physical phenomena would have undergone lots many failures before it became a success. I have given a lot of thought about the Levitation process and made sense to me on why something would just bob up in air and stay that way as long as your forces cancel out. But i have to say that it is definitely one of the coolest toys you could get

Levitron

Anyone with even a casual interest in physics has to be amazed. For more than 150 years, such levitation was “known” to be impossible. An 1842 paper by the Rev. Samuel Earnshaw in an English scientific journal had effectively proved mathematically that stationary levitation would never be achieved using only ordinary permanent magnets. “Earnshaw’s theorem” is stated in many college textbooks on electricity and magnetism. But this hasn’t stopped thousands of people (including yours truly) from spending countless futile hours trying to achieve such levitation anyway. (Earnshaw’s theorem does not deny the possibility of levitation using “diamagnetic” materials, superconductors or active electromagnetic circuits. The big surprise is the achievement of levitation using just ordinary permanent magnets.)

Here’s a picture which i presume is a levitating, rotating globe in mid air !

Read more at the site about how the patent for it became a failure just because the inventor did not have enough money to advertise his invention. No one even seems to be bothered that he found a way to defy a proven theory in existence for well over 150 years. The article also goes on to talk about how someone with a better marketing idea just shamelessly stole the invention to make profit ! Well maybe all is fair in business …

Here’s the official website that sells Levitron, the amazing anti-gravity top that rotates in air ! There is a video on the site which is cool too … Check’em out. Now if only i can find something about the magnetic levitation principle on which those japanese super-fast trains work, i could become another enthused levitron physicist !

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Weird Science 6

Neutron — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 02:18:00 +0000

A very nice trick. But i have no clue where i got this from though. Will post the link if i find it ! It is Wicked

Get Instantly Arrested

No, don’t read this! You’ll be tempted to try it and end up in jail. Back in 1982 I was using some adhesive “window burglar alarm tape”, the metal stuff you burnish onto glass to detect breakage, and realized that it’s made of lead. With just this lead foil and a razor blade, I could make some lead-on-paper messages, put them in my carry-on luggage, and send a secret message which is visible only to the X-ray operator at the airport security station! Are those x-ray systems live-video or freeze-frame? Maybe I could even make a motorized animated sign, a little lead-foil creature who waves at the x-ray operator. And some modern x-ray units detect absorbtion spectra, displaying it in various colors, so materials such as silver-leaf from art supply stores will show up on their video display. Hey, rather than using lead foil, I could use lead oxide white pigment or “litharge”, the old fashioned lead paint. Make some silver chloride paint that shows up in color on the x-ray display. Use white paint on white paper and it would show up on x-ray, but to the eye be visible only as white paper. Print a litharge-ink silk-screen image of the x-ray photo of a human hand or head and stick it in your luggage. Will you be arrested for smuggling invisible body parts?

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Success in failure

Neutron — Wed, 09 Mar 2005 00:29:00 +0000

A test so trivial that even a whiner wouldn’t care
Floods this heart with so much pain and despair
Where from did this start, this passion for perfection
That it hurts to lose and spirals back into affliction ?

Weird it is. Or so it does seem.
As though a task needs to be completed, like in a dream,
Something strange at work pushes constantly
This psychic that aspires beyond chains.

The truth as always, is hidden to the naked eye.
Obvious and resplendent only when the mind awakes in pain
We learn by repetition and so i repeat.
All is good and chain of events continues without a dead beat.

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Painkillers, the story

Neutron — Fri, 04 Mar 2005 21:10:00 +0000

We all know that serenity follows the storm. But it never becomes calm immediately after the storm. The storm – ‘The toughest week ever’; The calm – Still waiting for it; Now – It is still windy and chilly. Yeah that is my life now. Its all in terms of the weather. There seems to be no difference between day and night. I have lost all track of time and i’m just hanging on the verge of sanity as time passes by.

No pleasant story here, If that’s what you are looking for. It is just the usual crib of a over worked soul in agonizing body pain trying to improvize himself with the help of painkillers. But let the hype not overshadow the fact that, this post is the result of a single painkiller, over which i am not addicted to, yet, but realized the potential addiction factor as a result of the amplitude of bliss that it delivers. Now here it goes.

Ever wondered if painkillers really did work ? I have. Everytime i see someone take a painkiller, i have given it so much thought on how these things do work, on how these chemicals can actually find out which part of your body aches the most and then relieve you off the misery in a short time. It was like a mystery unresolved in my mind for quite a long time. Maybe it was because i’ve avoided them all my life and managed to live with whatever bodily pain i had and have Time as the only medicine to cure it off.

I have come to learn that ‘Words are Words. Experience teaches Better’. And you don’t know how well a painkiller works unless you are in agonizing pain, that you could bite off a piece of wood out of the furniture to manage it and then use a painkiller as a last option. And then it dawns upon you that this darned thing actually does work and the effects are perceptible !

The back pain, which usually starts off like a harmless streak of pain in the lower spinal area, gradually develops into something you wouldn’t feel normal, if it didn’t exist. Now, it can get to a stage when pain can be very satisfying and motivating. Not that i am a masochist per se, in that perspective, but it really motivates you. Believe me ! and so once you cross these pleasurable limits, the pain is no longer bearable but the whole body twitches in agony, literally. So now you figure out a way to minimize it, at last by throwing out the chair you’ve been using, by eating more regularly, by trying to get atleast 6 hrs of sleep daily, by trying to keep up a more vigourous schedule. But then you realize that you are beyond remedy at this point and need some serious shit to recover.

That is when the painkillers kick in. They are the life savers. The life renewers. The silent killers. They can kick ass and drive out the pain in proportions never seen before. They can convert a non-believer to a believer in no time at all. And guess what, i do believe in them now.

And so the simple moral of this story is that “You cannot judge the goodness of something without experiencing the misery it negates”. Guess philosophy only flows when you are in pain ! You find the best or the worst in you. Somehow weirdly it reminds me of “Fight club” and Tyler Durden. Do i have a Tyler within me ? Yet to find that out !

Holy crap. I never thought that i can write junk that well. Oh well, there goes the story of the painkillers … And life treads on …

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The touch of Death

Neutron — Thu, 03 Mar 2005 21:34:00 +0000

Dreams and hallucinations like a bitter emotion
Haunts the mind that evolves constantly
The expansion of thoughts into unresolved boundaries
Reaching beyond the abysmal depths ;
All the questions remain unanswered forever.

The truth is merely a fact.
Neither a question nor an accompanying answer.
The search leads to more complex thoughts
And just leads to a more futile premise
Beyond understanding and science and logic.

This body undergoes the pain, everyday
The mind rejoices and deceives to elate itself
Into a higher path, without noticing the self destruction.
All ye Life decays continually,
To reach life beyond, without material bonds.

Death seems like an angel hovering over the shoulder,
To relieve this mortal spirit out of bondage.
Perceived dark but in-essence bright beyond any star
Full of compassion and truth, without a path through reason ;
Where doth these thoughts lead astray the broken mind ?

Somehow the touch of Death feels sweeter.
Like the remedy of all this crass behaviour
And untended emotions.
As though once felt before, all Life does decay continously
To reach this new life unknown for more bliss or pain …

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Toughest Week ever.

Neutron — Fri, 18 Feb 2005 20:31:00 +0000

This was one hell of a ride. This week, i’ll remember for a long time to come. I’ve done so much stuff this week that it beats all the tough assignments that i’ve worked on my entire short life till now … And the best part is, I survived !

Now let us see. Starting last week, here is a list of things i did.

Graded 40 papers of undergraduate students, and being the first time, made sure i got this right, with enough comments, and not being too mean. And yeah, everyone was satisfied, including my prof !
Completed 3 homework assignments, in 624, 606 and Math 602 ! And did them well too !
Finished a lab report for 606 on a single night. It came out well though i found out that i failed to discuss some things that were required .. Well i guess that is just the downside of working with deprived sleep.
And yeah, the Research work for my proposal. The code came out quite well and i solved the equations right. The answer is still not right but working on it. Definitely a huge step forward and i am finally understanding clearly on what i am doing !
My home computer crashed. But the hardware guy in me ripped open the computer and fixed it ! Voila ! Now it works like a breeze …

The only weirdest part is that my back hurts badly due to the averaged out 4 hours of sleep every day. Think this might be a bit too much for the body to handle right now but my mind seems to be calm and sane enough ! hmm … Can’t wait for this day to get over. Would love to go home, cook something, probably get drunk and sleep like a maniac.

And there was my life this week in a nutshell. Adios amigo ! Will be back soon

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Energy

Neutron — Tue, 15 Feb 2005 01:45:00 +0000

Energy, the ultimate, untouchable yet filling,
Stored yet just hoarded, the potential unrealized
In every grain, that thrives and vibrates
In unison with everything else around it.

The split personality that it essentially is
The dark and its opposite
The vibrant and the calm
The visible and the imperceptible.

The overwhelming feeling of power over body
Surely wanes as the energy dies out
No food nor drink can refill this cup
Unless a higher path is reached and felt.

Unrest descends only to waste away
This conserved momentum and energy
If not consumed by the ascending mind
To break the body into divine shape.

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Fun untasted.

Neutron — Thu, 10 Feb 2005 04:44:00 +0000

Is Fun “Fun” because it was never tasted before the way it was tasted now or is it “Fun” because it was tasted before exactly like it was “Fun” before ?! A toughie to answer but either way, Fun is felt different in different sense during various times with various people. And there it ends. Period !

Anyway, after class, i went out with Woddi, a real cool chap doing his PhD here and who just cleared his qualifier this time. Infact his results came out just now and he made it ! Little did i know what i was going to see when he invited me for a beer. I went along and so came 3 other professors with me to this nice place with mild music in the background.

There was my prof with whom i am doing my research with, along with another prof whose class i’m taking this semester and another prof whose class i took last sem. All 3 of them are specializing in neutronics and with whom i guess, i’ll be closely working with for the coming 3 years. Anyway, i felt this real tingly feeling of being amongst “Pro”s in the field since we started talking about research and stuff. A familiar feeling shook me. Not long from now have i talked something similar about big shoes in software industry, on how they would perceive things differently about a particular design of a code and here i was again, contemplating a conversation for which i’ve waited for a long time. And these guys i was amidst, really knew what they were talking about ! There would have been no difference in my mind today between Don Box and any of my profs, since the field of expertise is trivial and what really matters is only the relative insight and ingenuity !

Anyway, had a great time. And good luck to Woddi. My qualifier is not very far off. Still 7 more months to go and it’ll fly by before i even notice it. Haven’t really started preparing for it though but am bloody confident with the way i’ve handled things till now.

Got some good results on my research today. A good start ! Couple more things to do before i get into some serious shit. Classes haven’t got that hard yet. Some homeworks now and then hurt a little but nothing that i can’t manage.

Now the whole point of this post was to convey a connection with the big shots in nuclear field with Gods from the software industry. You can compare them only after you’ve known enough about each of them. And what can i say ; Geniuses are in every field. And they are not hard to notice ! Another important thing is that these “Geniuses” are really fanatics in their subject matter and there is nothing more entertaining to such Gods than to talk more about it anywhere.

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if i were …

Neutron — Tue, 08 Feb 2005 23:08:40 +0000

A month, i’d be: September
A day of the week i’d be: Friday
A time of day, i’d be: 00.00
A planet, i’d be: Mars
An animal, i’d be: a Sloth
A direction, i’d be: NEWS
A piece of furniture, i’d be: a Bed
A historical figure, i’d be: Socrates
A liquid, i’d be: Whisky
A tree, i’d be: Willow
A bird, i’d be: Eagle
A tool, i’d be: Screw
A kind of weather, i’d be: Rain
A musical instrument, i’d be: Guitar
An wild animal, i’d be: Tiger
A color, i’d be: Deep Purple
A vegetable, i’d be: a tomato
A sound, i’d be: a Scream
An element, i’d be: Fire
A car, i’d be: Ferrari FX ( Ferrari Enzo )
A song, i’d be: Serenity – Godsmack
A movie, i’d be: The Matrix
A book, i’d be: foghorn
A food, i’d be: an Ice-Cream
A place, i’d be: Outside
A material, i’d be: Cotton
A taste, i’d be: New
A scent, i’d be: Pleasant
A word, i’d be: Aspire
An object, i’d be: a Computer
A body part, i’d be: Lips
A facial expression, i’d be: Smiling
A subject in school, i’d be: Math
A cartoon character, i’d be: Dilbert
A shape, i’d be a: Sphere
A number, i’d be: 7

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I Saw A Sleek Seduction

Neutron — Sun, 06 Feb 2005 02:31:54 +0000

I’m sorry I was late,
I saw a sleek seduction
as I was drinking up.

He talked of manual work
and made it rather clear
that he was very fit.

She watched him with sly eyes,
changing tales to meet
his ‘simple’ expectations.

She played along the bar,
was lounging to his class,
her elegance denied.

That’s when I had to leave:
so I doubt I’ll ever know
if seduction met success.

via Dylan Harris . Slick and Crisp.

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My research starts.

Neutron — Fri, 04 Feb 2005 06:56:36 +0000

Just as usual, the assignments started pouring in,
Classes started early in the day and life went on.
But what is this new task i need to take care now ?!
Research ! Wow ! Wahoo ..

Just started on my research and even before i reached the tip of the mountain base, i already have 6 papers in my hand and more books to read in my shelf ! And here i go …

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Savitri – Opening lines

Neutron — Mon, 24 Jan 2005 01:36:00 +0000

Book One: The Book of Beginnings
Canto One: The Symbol Dawn

It was the hour before the Gods awake.
Across the path of the divine Event
The huge foreboding mind of Night, alone
In her unlit temple of eternity,
Lay stretched immobile upon Silence’ marge.
Almost one felt, opaque, impenetrable,
In the sombre symbol of her eyeless muse
The abysm of the unbodied Infinite;
A fathomless zero occupied the world.
Between the first and the last Nothingness,
Recalling the tenebrous womb from which it came,
Turned from the insoluble mystery of birth
And the tardy process of mortality
And longed to reach its end in vacant Nought.
As in a dark beginning of all things,
A mute featureless semblance of the Unknown
Repeating for ever the unconscious act,
Prolonging for ever the unseeing will,
Cradled the cosmic drowse of ignorant Force
Whose moved creative slumber kindles the suns
And carries our lives in its somnambulist whirl.
Athwart the vain enormous trance of Space,
Its formless stupor without mind or life,
A shadow spinning through a soulless Void,
Thrown back once more into unthinking dreams,
Earth wheeled abandoned in the hollow gulfs
Forgetful of her spirit and her fate.
The impassive skies were neutral, empty, still.
Then something in the inscrutable darkness stirred;
A nameless movement, an unthought Idea
Insistent, dissatisfied, without an aim,
Something that wished but knew not how to be,
Teased the Inconscient to wake Ignorance.
A throe that came and left a quivering trace,
Gave room for an old tired want unfilled,
At peace in its subconscient moonless cave
To raise its head and look for absent light,
Straining closed eyes of vanished memory,
Like one who searches for a bygone self
And only meets the corpse of his desire.
It was as though even in this Nought’s profound,
Even in this ultimate dissolution’s core,
There lurked an unremembering entity,
Survivor of a slain and buried past
Condemned to resume the effort and the pang,
Reviving in another frustrate world.
An unshaped consciousness desired light
And a blank prescience yearned towards distant change.
As if a childlike finger laid on a cheek
Reminded of the endless need in things
The heedless Mother of the universe,
An infant longing clutched the sombre Vast.
Insensibly somewhere a breach began:
A long lone line of hesitating hue
Like a vague smile tempting a desert heart
Troubled the far rim of life’s obscure sleep.
Arrived from the other side of boundlessness
An eye of deity peered through the dumb deeps;
A scout in a reconnaissance from the sun,
It seemed amid a heavy cosmic rest,
The torpor of a sick and weary world,
To seek for a spirit sole and desolate
Too fallen to recollect forgotten bliss.
Intervening in a mindless universe,
Its message crept through the reluctant hush
Calling the adventure of consciousness and joy

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Searching for answer

Neutron — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 02:10:00 +0000

Searching for something i lost, not knowing what,
The endless path leads away into maze unresolved
Rising from the abyss, learning the ways
Following the heart like His words untold.

This feeling of being lost amidst friends
Keeps coming back for they are not in resonance
With the mind that holds this thought and tends
Creating the visions and pushing me to do this penance.

The youthful exuberance, gnawing at the core
Draws out the vicious hate and fears and makes it sore.
I find out ways to calm this with music and books
But there lies something beyond waiting to relieve me off the hooks.

What ? Where ? I do not know. Tell me the answer.
This Life so short feels so filling and perfect.
Still wishes go unaccounted for but still somehow right
Do i need something more or do i have it in my sight ?

Words roll like dice unbiased,
And mind manipulates it for the right face
But the true thought shines so bright that i fear
Its intensity and the meaning it conveys cuts like a shear.

Pretending to be confused, i tag along,
But realization descends and i fear not, the death
That relieves this mortal path and brings immortality
But neither do i hate this life, i bear in me.

Whatever the answer, i wait, patiently,
And there comes these times when i do suffer
And the endurance thins out like mist on a sunny day
But that something untouched, holds me still in place.

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Sublime will.

Neutron — Tue, 18 Jan 2005 19:44:00 +0000

Once Mahesh told me that after reaching a certain level of consciousness, he started understanding verses as complex as the ones in Savitri without having to read back a previous line. That comes with the maturity of the mind.

I had tried reading Savitri once before but found it too difficult to focus. But now, everything is very intuitive and seems to make beautiful sense. I am dancing at the poetry and it fills up my heart like the divine ocean.

Here is an excerpt from Savitri.

“As a star, uncompanioned, moves in heaven
Travelling infinity by its own light,
The great are strongest when they stand alone.
A God-given might of being is their force,
A ray from self’s solitude of light the guide;
The soul that can live alone with itself meets God;
Its lonely universe is their rendezvous.
A day may come when she must stand unhelped
On a dangerous brink of the world’s doom and hers,
Carrying the world’s future on her lonely breast,
Carrying the human hope in a heart left sole
To conquer or fail on a last desperate verge,
Alone with death and close to extinction’s edge.
Must cross alone a perilous bridge in Time
And reach an apex of world-destiny
Where all is won or all is lost for man.
In that tremendous silence lone and lost
Of a deciding hour in the world’s fate,
In her soul’s climbing beyond mortal time
When she stands sole with Death or sole with God
Apart upon a silent desperate brink,
Alone with her self and death and destiny
As on some verge between Time and Timelessness
When being must end or life rebuild its base,
Alone she must conquer or alone must fall.
No human aid can reach her in that hour,
No armoured god stand shining at her side.
Cry not to heaven, for she alone can save.
For this the silent Force came missioned down;
In her the conscious Will took human shape:
She only can save herself and save the world.
O queen, stand back from that stupendous scene,
Come not between her and her hour of Fate.
Her hour must come and none can intervene:
Think not to turn her from her heaven-sent task,
Strive not to save her from her own high will.
Thou hast no place in that tremendous strife;
Thy love and longing are not arbiters there;
Leave the world’s fate and her to God’s sole guard.
Even if he seems to leave her to her lone strength,
Even though all falters and falls and sees an end
And the heart fails and only are death and night,
God-given her strength can battle against doom
Even on a brink where Death alone seems close
And no human strength can hinder or can help.
Think not to intercede with the hidden Will,
Intrude not twixt her spirit and its force
But leave her to her mighty self and Fate.”

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Spring semester 2005.

Neutron — Tue, 18 Jan 2005 03:57:27 +0000

Yup. Life goes on. My semester holidays are all consumed up now. Not much more time left before the hectic schedule repeats itself for another 4 months to come. My spring semester starts tomorrow and things are not going to be the same, i’m sure !

Things to do for this semester.

Many important courses for both my research and my Ph.D qualifier. So crack them.
Prepare for my Ph.D qualifier due in September. Don’t have much time left to idle away anymore.
See if i can work out something so that i can go back to India this summer.
Work my ass out on the research and do something constructive before the sem ends.

Well, these things are easier said than done. I know. But 4 months from now, let me come back to this post and see what i’ve been able to do.

Here starts the new sem …

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Interesting Linkz 3

Neutron — Mon, 17 Jan 2005 04:39:51 +0000

This site has got some information which i have thought over for quite some time, but didnt have time enough to write it in detail or even post it on my site !

Well i present to you a site which discusses the meaning of the movie “The Matrix” and its successors ! Some of the things really are stale but some view points really freaked me out .. I am not yet completely done but till what i’ve read, definitely much much better than most explanations i’ve seen in other places on the web ! Go for it !

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All these buzz words make me sick.

Neutron — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 15:13:59 +0000

All these buzz words make me sick.

Excerpt :

They really do. I am so fucking tired of having to keep up with them, as if it is a must for my job. And the million and one things that come out everyday, this open source produces more products than the rabbits fucking and multiplying and producing baby rabbits and you know how fast the rabbits multiply. I am simply overwhelmed. Simply overwhelmed.

Words well spoken. Anyone who has undergone an exponential Knowledge curve in a short time to keep pace with what is happening around you, while working on things that are volatile, would feel the tingling sensation right down to the spine …

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NASA Details Earthquake Effects on the Earth

Neutron — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 05:28:42 +0000

Read this through. Interesting that someone was able to figure something like that out ! Kudos to the scientists !

But the more i think about it, can’t imagine how dreadful it can be on a journey when i’m thrown out of earth when Earth completely manages to stop rotating !

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Drew Carey Rocks !

Neutron — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 02:09:30 +0000

Not a special reason to appreciate the Drew carey show or “Whose line is it anyway ?” ! But just sighted a line from one of Drew Carey’s shows.

Here goes.

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
–Drew Carey

This guy Rocks ! Made it a point, not to miss this one at 1.30 AM every day … Cool !

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Dilbert January 12, 2005

Neutron — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 02:00:12 +0000

This is what i would call “Lateral Reasoning” !

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