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Random Ramblings.
by Neutron on Jan.12, 2005, under Uncategorized
Before the thought ever occurred to me of being a nuclear engineer, guess i’ve always wanted to be a bloody good coder. And given the chance, i think i never did go down from what i intended to do. But what did i miss then ? Books. Missed out to read lots of neat books which would have helped me to get a different perspective on designing software products, creating better and efficient UI’s and more …
As i sit here, in front of the computer, there lacks the motivation and the energy to code away my time like i used to, say 6 months back. But ironically, i have been reading books that i have always wanted to read all this time … “The Mythical Man Month” – One of the most popular books amidst programmers and project managers alike. This one, sure was a winner. I should say that the book is not restricted to software management as such but could be used to apply the rules and control the intricacies of any kind of industry. It does supply you with a weirdly neat feeling once you’ve read it and see which pieces can be generalised and applied to other things we have experienced !
The one that i am going to read now, is a book by Joel Spolsky. This book, by someone who has talked much on how things could be done better, has some great reviews. Nothing to say about it for now but just that i know how he entries are in his blog and sure hope that this one will be a diamond as well.
Apart from the books, there is still emptiness in my coding wishlist. There are bulk load of things i have always wanted to do once i get the free time, but being out of touch with the blogs, tools and coding as such, has somehow created a sense of gap. Very weird. Never thought that this could ever happen. All i can think now when i sit down with my VS.NET screen open in front of me, is about Binding energies and radiation detection and PhD qualifiers and what not …
Guess just one life in this miserable earth is just not enough …
WTF ? UFO and India ?!
by Neutron on Jan.10, 2005, under Uncategorized
Interesting Linkz 2
by Neutron on Jan.09, 2005, under Uncategorized
One of my long time favorites … Check out the official site at The Bastard Operator from Hell.
Awesome character ! Brings out the sadist in me 
Creator
by Neutron on Jan.07, 2005, under Uncategorized
What words can express these thoughts
I bear in me about my father, here no more.
What joy would it have been, if he were here
To see this being crawling towards its aspiration.
The rites i performed to appease him
Are over but blankness shrouds now.
Being here alone and feeling alone
The journey will continue until a path is shown.
Interesting Linkz 1
by Neutron on Jan.07, 2005, under Uncategorized
Anyway, as life goes on, bumped into some cool links while surfing. Amazing on what you can find when you are motivated
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I have watched ASCII movies and ASCII pictures. But this one blows them all off ! It freaked me out for a second as soon as the page loaded. You gotta see this one. Very slick !
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Link from a site : Those europeans love their soccer AND their hot mansex, so why not combine both with the Football Kama Sutra. What can i say ?! Shit happens
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Again, got hold of the script for Fight Club. One of my most favorite movies ! Here it is.
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Just got to see this article from Space.Com. “Biggest Space Explosion Creates Giant Bubbles“. Also go on and read “The New History of Black Holes“. Time to read again the old Stephen Hawking book “Black Holes and Baby Universes and Other Essays” again !
This is nice .. But i might not be able to aggregate these links very often. But here we go !
Alright. Time to go and cook. One more thing that can keep me occupied …
Serenity.
by Neutron on Jan.02, 2005, under Uncategorized
I’m the one in your soul I need serenity Where do we go when we just don’t know Tragic visions; slowly stole my life I’m the one who loves you I need serenity Where do we go when we just don’t know I need serenity …
I take another deep breath
And feel the wind pass through my body
Reflecting inner light
Protect the ones who hold you
Cradling your inner child
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
And how do we relight the flame when it’s cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
Tore away everything
Cheating me out of my time
No matter wrong or right
And every day I hold you
I hold you with my inner child
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
And how do we relight the flame when it’s cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
And how do we relight the flame when it’s cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control
A black day.
by Neutron on Dec.26, 2004, under Uncategorized
The more i read now about Tsunamis, the more i understand on how terrible it must be back there now. When there is absolutely nothing to do back here for me, there are a lot of things i could be doing. Maybe this feeling comes only when you miss something so badly, so much that it is hard to put it in words.
I still can feel those days at the seaward roads in Thiruvanmiyur house. It was not far off from the impact site of today but back then, believe me, it was heaven. All the early morning baths at the sea, on the shallow side of it, the cricket matches i used to play and what not ! Now nothing more than a memory but imprints dispersed in the vast ocean …
Can’t stop getting disgusted of the selfish me, again. Amidst all this chaos, all i can think of is about my memories … You freak.
The beautiful irony.
by Neutron on Dec.25, 2004, under Uncategorized
Then in a flash, it call falls into place. The monte carlo code for one of my courses. I got 40/150 points in that special problem which might have made a huge difference in my grades. But that was not meant to be because i couldn’t get my report right.
However trivial it does seem, the irony is that, i screwed up the only part where my previous 2 years of work would have made a difference. Coding ! All i had to do was to build an awesome code, reusable, inheritable and blah blah blah and to get it to work to get the right results. And you know what, i finally did that too 
Felt wonderful ! Like as though i already managed to get a nobel prize for that !!
Then came the thunder. I had to write a neat report and discuss the results now. This program of mine, runs like a maniac and is freakin customizable beyond even MY imagination. It worked so well you know ! But to get the report right, i have to run it in non-accurate ways which my program does not support .. he he .. sounds funny doesn’t it ! But yeah thats how it works.
Anyway, this report was kind of messed up in the end because i had two consecutive night outs and was aching to drop down into that cozy layer in the sleeping bag. There couldn’t have been a worse time to do the report ! Added to all that, the age old habit of hating managerial reports came in handy to amplify these emotions, to write a not so detailed report in the end. I just happened to forget that the evaluator is a dumb moron who has no clue what my code does but only understands that from my report !
There goes my credits … Another crib to the list !
That !
by Neutron on Dec.25, 2004, under Uncategorized
That is that for which words exist not, to explain ;
That is everywhere and it is That we see.
That we feel, we sense, we hear without reason to complain
That is in every matter, stars, and from the mountains to sea.
It is That which is alive, and That which isn’t.
It is That which stays and That which doesn’t.
It is That which exists and nothing else does.
It is That which creates energy and That which takes.
That which is seen and That which radiates,
That which reflects and that we cannot see
That which is physical and that with no form
That which is everything there is, was, ever will be.
What name do i give That, O Thee.
Whatdyaknow !
by Neutron on Dec.24, 2004, under Uncategorized
All is set for the Chicago trip. Only that i dont have any sort of thermals or sweaters other than my jacket ! The forecast predicts that the climate over there on 28th is going to be pretty nasty ! The average temperature being 15F ! Crap … Though i cant wait to see the snow and all that, i sure as hell wouldnt like my balls to be frozen while walking around …
Trying to push the days along now .. Been working on creating this own site of mine ! The Unknownreference Home site !! Aha ! Been writing my custom code in ASP.NET ! Quite a past time it has become .. Otherwise, been helping out PK to get his essays and stuff ready for his apping …
Alright. Time to get going. Hungry now ! No food at home and all the caffeine from morning is making me uneasy already. Better go and cook something …
Pride hurts
by Neutron on Dec.19, 2004, under Uncategorized
Time passes by, as usual, for nothing it seems to care,
Creating the life and memories in its silent ways.
This miniscule being stuck here, awaiting the next nightmare
Just vegetates in unthinkable precision for the past few days.
Why this weird lump in the throat, the passion,
The fire, the spirit, the love, the feel.
What doth all this energy, Fusion and Fission,
Mean against the chaos in the mind that kills ?
That beautiful feeling living alone once
Has created this monster that hates company.
The pride without which though it hurts
But hurts even more to live with it.
Sanity so very delicate to preserve
Amidst such vagary of doubts and fears.
What thee fear destroys all ye fights for
But fear does seem hold the sanity here.
Come out of the shell, and live free
Without limits to the mind and life.
This mind is late on its quest, for the green tree
But better late than never for my time still is alive.
What a month !
by Neutron on Dec.01, 2004, under Uncategorized
What did i do ?! hmm .. I aced some of my tests, got some cool grades after slogging my butt out enough. Wrote an amazing code for Monte carlo simulation using a custom written Random number generator in C# in a week
Drank wine in enormous amounts that my room mates are scared to host me anymore … Got a new computer for 500$ from a guy here with a mondo neat configuration. (Reminds me of the home comp back in India though .. sob sob ! ) and went to austin once and had a great time at 6th street … (just drinking and listening to live music.. what else ?!)My only crib though was that i missed the Metallica show at San antonio. Would have loved to go if only i had some good company here .. Myla ?! When you coming here da ?? Can’t wait.
The climate is sending shivers down my spine every time i come out of the house .. the never-get-up-from-a-cozy-sleep-to-attend-class syndrome is catching up on my enthusiastic brains to taste the pleasure of comfortable warm nightmareless sleep ..
Anyway my finals are starting off next week.. I’ve haven’t posted as often i would love to post here .. but now that i have a computer at home, things are bound to change .. Will see
What the …
by Neutron on Oct.27, 2004, under Uncategorized
But the irony is that the more i love what i am doing, the more i am hating everything else. Its like one of those obsessions that keeps haunting you even when you sleep … The tetris and quake nightmares were better somehow than dreaming about radioactive nuclides, having dinner in the nuclear core and playing with uranium pellets.
Here is the sweet part about the whole deal. Goddammit. I dont make any sense at all ! hmm .. I am in one of those moods again. Miss a great deal of people, miss a lot of things happening back in India, but wouldnt want to miss this rush which i am going through here for anything else ! Stretched between the wish magnets, this infinite momentum is rising chaotically and me still hanging on at the edge while the flux rises …
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What is The Chaotic-Neutron ?
This is a collection of my thoughts from the mundane to engineering research, from attempted poetry to absolute philosophy, that drives me, with an occasional rant on life.
If you find something interesting, drop me a line. 
Quote of the day.- Norman Douglas"Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes." […]
- Norman Douglas