The Chaotic-Neutron

Fruition

Neutron — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 00:39:03 +0000

Peace, wished, yearned, null satisfied;
Aspired, immersed with actions,
Fulfill’, not a throbbing heart.

Captain, a ship floats yonder, steadfast
Meditated, on now, even with a trace,
Beloved, shattered fallacies, intrinsic.

Dexterous dreamer, evolving, surviving
manholes and pitfalls, still walking tall.
Mutually seduced and stripped, iron to cotton.

A delicate lotus, blooms, ‘midst raging sea,
A split soul, earned, past deeds, karma;
A yoke formed, sublime fruition inevitable.

Ye celestial suns, witness, bless an union.
Thank thee elements, fire and water, pure.
Dawned today, afresh; A new day, bright.

Particles do converge … Fluid is life, flowing incessant, unyielding, Punished by vagaries will,...
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Particles do converge …

Neutron — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 06:30:59 +0000

Fluid is life, flowing incessant, unyielding,
Punished by vagaries will, let the soft pass,
Supple yet dense, for forces hard.
Surreal the thought, pure the accomplishment.

A persona shines supreme, a soaring phoenix;
Thoughts beyond, change resisted, failed short,
Resplendent the mind image, intuition fought,
Fruitless an union, once.

A splinter in the mind’ eye,
Yearning, buried ‘midst work and play;
A heart torn asunder, resonant,
senses enriched, a beacon visible aloft.

Regret, pangs mounted, emotions billow,
flux, a future, a sublime moment past;
Experiences gained once, crumbled mountains to sands,
With time and resolve. A mail arose hence. So long.

A serene voice, outcome unexpected, connected link,
Inaccurate once perceived, the mind,
Blundered the sublime message, man blind,
A hallowed angel, salvaged one from the brink.

Discovered anew, aspiration and adoration,
To the quintessential essence, meditation, a consciousness,
To an oscillation, duality, a swan,
To my liberation, music, a magic flute,
To a reflection, beloved, a unique spirit.

We adore not a person perfect, only
realize an imperfect person perfectly.
Ye be the perfectly imperfect hemispheres,
Conjoined to form, a luminous, peerless yoke.
This shall be all our stories,
For always divine, the bond with any name.

Inception Quiet the times, wafting on a river, Torrid the waves,...

Ka

Neutron — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 01:39:13 +0000

In the blue of the sky, in the green of the forest,
Whose is the hand that has painted the glow?
When the winds were asleep in the womb of the ether,
Who was it roused them and bade them to blow?

He is lost in the heart, in the cavern of Nature,
He is found in the brain where He builds up the thought:
In the pattern and bloom of the flowers He is woven,
In the luminous net of the stars He is caught.

In the strength of a man, in the beauty of woman,
In the laugh of a boy, in the blush of a girl;
The hand that sent Jupiter spinning through heaven,
Spends all its cunning to fashion a curl.

There are His works and His veils and His shadows;
But where is He then? by what name is He known?
Is He Brahma or Vishnu? a man or a woman?
Bodies or bodiless? twin or alone?

We have love for a boy who is dark and resplendent,
A woman is lord of us, naked and fierce.
We have seen Him a-muse on the snow of the mountains,
We have watched Him at work in the heart of the spheres.

We will tell the whole world of His ways and His cunning;
He has rapture of torture and passion and pain;
He delights in our sorrow and drives us to weeping,
Then lures with His joy and His beauty again.

All music is only the sound of His laughter,
All beauty the smile of His passionate bliss;
Our lives are His heart-beats, our rapture the bridal
Of Radha and Krishna, our love is their kiss.

He is strength that is loud in the blare of the trumpets,
And He rides in the car and He strikes in the spears;
He slays without stint and is full of compassion;
He wars for the world and its ultimate years.

In the sweep of the worlds, in the surge of the ages,
Ineffable, mighty, majestic and pure,
Beyond the last pinnacle seized by the thinker
He is throned in His seats that for ever endure.

The Master of man and his infinite Lover,
He is close to our hearts, had we vision to see;
We are blind with our pride and the pomp of our passions,
We are bound in our thoughts where we hold ourselves free.

It is He in the sun who is ageless and deathless,
And into the midnight His shadow is thrown;
When darkness was blind and engulfed within darkness,
He was seated within it immense and alone.

– Sri Aurobindo

No related posts.

Magic Flute

Neutron — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:05:25 +0000

Yesterday, had the privilege of attending an opera, one by the greatest composers of all time, Wolfgang, his last. It was beautiful, the setting, the music and the execution. Delightful. Made me get out of my seat again and again for I couldn’t stay still in the ecstasy of the experience. The story in itself is woven around a couple in love, and their eventual journey to overcome the ordeals of a union, to face their family, to conquer death together. Enlightened and united, they are initiated into the temple of wisdom, ruled over by Osiris and Isis. Here’s a short synopsis.

I knew about the act that involved an Aria by the Queen of the night, even before I went in. I was looking forward to it and wasn’t disappointed. It enraptures one and leaves you speechless in its highest tempo and emotions conveyed.

The Queen is persuading her daughter to not join her mortal enemy Sarastro or fall in love with prince Tamino who has become part of Sarastro’s wisdom clan. A translation of the conversation by the Queen is below.

The vengeance of Hell boils in my heart,
Death and despair flame about me!
If Sarastro does not through you feel
The pain of death,
Then you will be my daughter nevermore.
Disowned may you be forever,
Abandoned may you be forever,
Destroyed be forever
All the bonds of nature,
If not through you
Sarastro becomes pale! (as death)
Hear, Gods of Revenge,
Hear a mother’s oath!

Sublime. Such intensity and passion in music. And the F’s flailing about and the Queen delivering her emotion with depth that only an opera well written can showcase.

A heart bulges with emotions, of something familiar, with music scales rising and falling, a story one can understand, an aspiration binds two far away souls to connect and conquer even death on the quest for wisdom. I wish a magic flute would present itself to me, to make everyone merry and burn away thoughts sombre.

A great cast and a wonderful performance. I’m very glad that I didn’t miss it.

No related posts.

Fasting – A revelation

Neutron — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 00:03:00 +0000

For the past few days, I’ve indulged myself in my work, more unusually, more intensely than my recent memories serve. The price I paid was with sleep and food. But a sudden realization came through today. Having oneself deprived of food, brings about a self so acute, senses on the edge, to quickly see what needs to be done. More quickly than a sated mind ever perceives. Yes, the blood sugar drops, no doubt, but the body survives on more than just your daily glucose. I learnt that while running, I learn that while pushing the self. Perhaps it is the mind’s way of coping up and optimizing to do tasks more efficiently.

I pondered once on the idea of fasting. I was intrigued then. There are those who wish they didn’t have to fast, all over the world, while in parallel, others do because they are compelled. I see why now. Even the sages did it. Even imbibed it as part of a belief system, in lands across. In depriving oneself of the pleasure, of food, the sustenance, there is a certain sense of introspection that arrives unforeseen. It doesn’t necessitate deep meditation nor self denial by other means but it comes from the primal need. Any abstinence, has its purest cofactor that is undeniable. Tangible and so thick that it can’t be ignored.

I understand now because I was famished. I could have eaten anything in sight. Organic, inorganic, living or dead. I could’ve eaten metal. I tried to eat paper. But I managed to bring sense into myself to get a decent order to take home and relish after a hard day but the journey home, on an empty stomach was not easy. It was only just over twelve hours since my last meal but the food in my car emanated a perfume I couldn’t resist, one which I had to endure for another hour’s drive. It wasn’t easy. I couldn’t imagine something more rigorous on the mind and visions filtered through …

I once quoted:

There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.

I thought I understood. But again, it’s all relative. We constantly push the realms and unexpected as this was, took my reality for a spin to bring me back to senses. Fasting, a delirious feeling inevitable, teaches much. Restraints, denial, perseverance and strength. Of course, the taste of the food itself is immaterial for it always is as heavenly as it could be…

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And Death Shall Have No Dominion

Neutron — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 07:19:00 +0000

Another one by Dylan (Do Not Go Gentle Into the Good Night).

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan’t crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

– Dylan Thomas

That is sublime. Dylan with an interesting background reminds me yet again that writing is an outlet powerful enough to sap excess emotions. Stronger the emotions, often sweeter the poetry, respite imminent…

No related posts.

Quotes – 20

Neutron — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:13:55 +0000

Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much perfoms much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.

–Vincent Van Gogh

Ha. A man with my outlook. Another genius artist among countless others, who died depressed and poor. RIP.

hmm.. Perhaps short a time remains to not be doing what you love and involved with people you adore.

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Rain

Neutron — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:26:06 +0000

Heavenly downpour, an elixir sustains,
Living and recycling all that stands;
Serene function, forgotten, seemingly mundane,
To observe and grasp intricacies.

From my mother, balanced on her crown,
Water, taken and reclaimed, visually stunning,
Fire, emanated breathing, an incense perfect,
Tempest, carried, touching force magnificent,
Constant beat, bringing down, rhythm supreme,
At heart, tasted, understood, finally.

Five senses and elements, brought together,
One divine event, unnoticed, never again.

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Duality — the oscillations

Neutron — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 01:26:00 +0000

All things occur in pairs; there is no light without the dark, no good without evil, no action without its reaction, no life without death. Perhaps it is enough to realize the union of the duality, the split personality of things that are an illusion, rather than delving deep into the segregated extrema. Or perhaps, the blatant maxim is to know the circle of life, intensifying from ignorance to enlightenment, separated only by an infinitesimal event horizon, while we surf the coaster once more.

I was hurt, psyche and body, repeatedly. But it’s nothing that a new laptop, more work, some physio, new wallet and cards/id can’t fix. I misunderstood. This year has been a test. A test on actions, morals assumed, resolve weakened, aspiration mocked and evolution impeded. The ride has spiralled me down to abysses named not, but every rise hence thereafter, takes one a spectra higher. Every time the nadir goes lower, higher the zenith rises. Understand now, every change invokes new experiences, immaterial the perception, simple and beautiful. No need to get emotions riled up for moments in vain or august, but feel relieved that there is a balance, eventual.

I ache for that balance at the end of the path. Inevitably we shall get there, now or another. I pray not for myself anymore but for those who pray, care for me. Perhaps it is the will that sustains, even long after you are gone, through infinite lives, to reunite and fulfill. A causality. A seed. Propagated through eternity till its fruition. Reminded yet again in movies, music, quotes, physics, math and everyday life. As long as life exists, this can’t stop. Try me heavens. Do your worst…

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A mugged mind

Neutron — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 20:33:38 +0000

Scarred and bruised, body and soul,
Serenity lost, forgotten in woe;
Efforts to cheer up the mind, spiral down a hole
Only to quench the ache, meaning of eternal bliss.

A lost wallet, body in pain, questions remain.

No related posts.

Awake. Again.

Neutron — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 06:12:00 +0000

You have to take risks, he said. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen. Every day, God gives us the sun–and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day, we try to pretend that we haven’t perceived that moment, that it doesn’t exist–that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover that magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane, like putting our front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. But that moment exists–a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles.

– Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

Speechless. Life has its odd ways of testing one’s resolve but when the moment of clarity does dawn, sieze it. Intuition always guides in the right path. They say, that it’s being impulsive but we are different. For better or worse, ignorant as often we are to see, follow without regrets, and perform that miracle.

No related posts.

Inception

Neutron — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 01:08:00 +0000

Quiet the times, wafting on a river,
Torrid the waves, unrelenting;
Yet intangible the entropy, seemingly normal
till I found a shade fond.

Fresh the perspective, vibrant
Engaging verbosely, respected.
A reminiscent feeling dug deep
Revives a bond, once beloved.

Transient the touch, still affected
Involuntary a kid chimed and dreamed;
Unlikely snow flake discovered anew,
matured, unique, intricate, my precious cherished.

Somehow short yet impact sustained,
A radiant consciousness shall linger everlasting.
Another time, different setting, alternate universe,
Particles perhaps do converge cardinally.

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I run. Why-o-Why ?

Neutron — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 03:37:14 +0000

More often than I care, queried, the reasons endured,
Injury and therapy, without weary, managed, amidst muscles sore.
Two screws, titanium strong, sustain movement, each knees tried,
Unprofessional weakling forlorn, strengths born, in stride.

After conquering tasks, men abhorred,
I remember once again, reasons I run for;
It nourishes movement, a sloth died,
Pumps through my veins, makes me feel pride,
Slowly but surely, winds of change, pure,
A feeling lucidly reassured.

It moves me forward, to a future I see,
Teaches no regret for the expired,
I’ve left behind, retired,
And ahead the beautiful seasons before me.
Hope provided, life we think is sure,
It is yet more brittle and pure.

She wages, provides meaning once more
Subtler than words from a mind obscure.
Blatant the health revived, with sweat,
Sublime still the reasons, yet.
A final thought thus evolves,
Run thyself and realize my resolve.

For my writing, shy and barren,
do injustice to the feeling matured;
For the mind’ eye perceives,
an infinite unique possibilities.
Far more to be said, miles to be conquered,
races to be defeated, running life to be fulfilled.

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A philosophy respected.

Neutron — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 06:36:14 +0000

I’ve recommended taking in the good and bad with equal fervor for very long. That is because without experiencing the extremes, hitting rock-bottom and coming to terms with yourself seems futile. Of course, this is a very distorted way of getting there but it pushes the meta-physical in understanding chaos around you more precisely. Or that is perhaps what this illusioned mind thinks.

But when you can no longer compensate the good with the bad or vice-versa, it is time to give up both. After a recent disastrous incident, my urge to conquer the physical has been quite unsatisfied and involuntarily, I’ve been pushing myself more and more in the opposite direction. It took me time to realize the absurdity of this decision but never too late I hope. I’m realigning my focus on the physical and will push it again beyond a half, a full and even more. Perhaps an ultra ? Time will tell.

Cryptic ? No. Confused ? Yes. We all are …

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Another year passes.

Neutron — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 06:14:42 +0000

A year past, sour memories taint
Another fresh life starts.
A decade past, immature, arrogant,
Time mellows and heals, lessons learnt.

Three decades, a half lifetime ?
Or close to full, pysche pushed ?
Extremes attracted, a mind unrest,
Oscillated, annihilated, wishes contracted.

Shall the new cycle bring anew,
Experiences, joy and sorrow alike ?
I pray so, for life feeble and short,
Nothing satisfies than extending limits.

No related posts.

Quotes – 19

Neutron — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 17:51:47 +0000

It always bothers me that, according to the laws as we understand them today, it takes a computing machine an infinite number of logical operations to figure out what goes on in no matter how tiny a region of space, and no matter how tiny a region of time. How can all that be going on in that tiny space? Why should it take an infinite amount of logic to figure out what one tiny piece of space/time is going to do? So I have often made the hypothesis that ultimately physics will not require a mathematical statement, that in the end the machinery will be revealed, and the laws will turn out to be simple, like the chequer board with all its apparent complexities.

- R. P. Feynman, Character of Physical Law, November 1964 Cornell Lectures, broadcast and published in 1965 by BBC, pp. 57-8.

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Quotes – 18

Neutron — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 04:13:52 +0000

James Branch Cabell There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. Related posts: Quotes – 3 Quote of the day “Sure, the lion is king of... Quotes – 7 “Beware the leader who bangs the drums in war to... Quotes – 4 Quote of the day “Sure, [...] Related posts:

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Friends met and lost.

Neutron — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 02:12:50 +0000

I feel sad. Friends are all I’ve had in my life to comfort. And I am going to be disconnected with few more today. It was my last day of physiotherapy, an ailing need after a knee surgery. And my therapists, lovely as they are, are also incredibly beautiful in their persona. Now that I’ve decided to move on, the chance of ever seeing/meeting them again might be a far off chance.

How many people do we meet everyday who change our lives in ways unfathomed. It was not just their act of helping me through my physical disability, even if it was their occupation, but it was much more. The mental support, a conversation that showed you care and a genuine interest in your patient’s life. And that, I can never do. Nor even remotely replicate. I am not selfish by any means but to maintain that kind of attachment to someone you’ve known for a short while makes me humble. Humble because they think that everyone at the clinic is worth it. Without judgement. Without bias.

Like best friends afar, I will miss another session. It is the most depressing times that brings closer the like minds. I will surely spit on anyone who says otherwise.

No related posts.

Mornings. My hate.

Neutron — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 01:35:52 +0000

I do not know the reason and cant even begin to describe the hatred I bear for early mornings. I have however woken up accidentally and decided to push through sometimes or just never slept the previous night and pulled a 40 hour day. But waking up rigorously, relying on an alarm clock or the body clock seems like a joke to me. My arms involuntarily just turn off the alarm or my brain just does not switch on in the morning to even hear the blaring alarm right by my ear.

I have learnt to live with it. But every now and then, I miss something important at work or play due to these inadequacies. And that is frustrating. What I need is an alarm, or better yet, a robot, that can kick me in my face or my balls and say “Get the fuck up”. Now that would be an invention out of pure necessity !

Or maybe I just need to sleep for a month, like hibernation in philosophy, to catch up on all that I’ve missed in the past 15 years.. Ah. Who am I kidding ?!

No related posts.

Relativity and irony.

Neutron — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 03:16:09 +0000

I once almost lost my cell phone. It was one of those days when I was having a good time when my cell phone probably fell out of my jacket during transit in a taxi. But a gentleman passenger, made sure I got the phone back. Kudos to him. But the horrors that went through my mind before I got a call from him were bad. Why you ask ? I have a lot of information apart from just contacts on my phone. And you could probably access all my mails, my twitter, facebook and what not from that mobile. What makes you stronger also makes you vulnerable. And that I found ironic.

But there was a recent event, that has completely made me depressed and lifeless, which you could compare against the above in terms of the anxiety. I (my house) got robbed over the weekend. They took my laptop, an external drive and some other random things. They left the TV. I would whole-heartedly exchange my TV, my bike, my books, my microwave and a few other things just to get my laptop back. Not for the laptop itself but for what it contains. It was my companion on so many days/nights, it helped me through some tough times at work, and it holds the key to most of what I’ve done in the past two years. It is heart breaking to know that it is all gone and the horrors return.

It would have been a consolation to at least have the external disk around, which contains all the back-ups of my work. But that is gone too. When you can’t even save anything in your own home for safe keeping, what can you depend on ? And being as attached to the work as I am, it only intensifies the pain. I am 3 months away from renewing my position and now I am behind on my schedule to finish 2 more papers. This might not have a happy ending.

At the end of the day, losing a laptop just hurts so much more than losing a phone. And that is relativity for the un-initiated. The beauty of physics is that the most purest of the theories are great philosophies too. And there I shall end this post. Still moping…

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Good, Bad and the weird.

Neutron — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 03:05:10 +0000

Its the weirdest thing. I was watching a Korean movie and something popped out as very deep. The exact lines were

“If you chase something to get something, something else will come chasing you.”.

Paraphrasing that, “what you are passionate about is passionate about you too”. It is quite true in a sense (unexplainable unless you’ve been there) and scary. I guess I never realized it in that way but it makes perfect sense. Physically and philosophically…

Now I remember why I watch all these foreign movies …

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Passions never die.

Neutron — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 03:43:16 +0000

It is funny how my recent posts always seem to revolve around either music or food or running or my work. And I think this is because when you are mature and when you feel the life’s pinch, it is only those qualities that sustain you on your everyday journey that excite you enough to go on.

And this is one of those days. Its been a very long week. I am tired with work (I just keep taxing myself with things to do; its not a bad thing in the long run though !) and ache for a vacation. I half-heartedly partied all weekend to only become really tired afterwards. But here I stand, above my expectations, nourished by a wonderful curry chicken with the most adorable flavors of red peppers, mustard, asfoetida, cilantro, carrots, onions, tomatoes, garlic, ginger and chicken. She is unique. I’ve never, ever tasted such magnificence in a restaurant and I doubt that even I could reproduce this. Driven by smell, and beauty, I derive and drive these creations. And never has she deceived me.

This post is a dedication to her. My taste buds, my food sense, bow to what my brain can conjure to enslaven the five senses. And before that, I stand, humble, obliged and small.

No related posts.

Music, a path to salvation

Neutron — Sat, 21 May 2011 03:16:24 +0000

Cutting through the morose of every day life, without the beauty of art or music, Life would bear very less excitement. No matter how many crutches we might use, it still cannot elate as a beautiful piece of music could. You have your favorites. And it differs from person to person. I have many but still always come back to Devasabhathalam. It is beautiful in its tempo, tune, lyrics and mood. It elates. It brings one up even when depressed. It fulfills when Life seems empty. It provides meaning.

You might not feel the same. But I could care very less. Maybe the Eminem song released yesterday might titillate you in a similar way. And that is precisely the point. If I were to die today, I will like to hear the last 3 minutes of this song in my head before I pass away peacefully. And that defines greatness in music.

No related posts.

Thriving on the Precipice

Neutron — Sun, 15 May 2011 22:14:33 +0000

It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change; only on the precipice that we evolve. This is our moment – don’t take it from us.
– The day the earth stood still

Another one of those things that is so right on the point. Its cliched to say ‘Necessity is the mother of invention’ but putting it in different words as above lends new meaning and purpose.

I’ve learnt that all best thoughts have already been said before. And that’s why I am proud to do my re-search. And it is why I thrive on great quotes. Kudos to the great minds before and after me.

Without that final edge, how mundanely bleak an occurrence this would be. And with or without an external change, it really is about time to rethink the possibilities…

No related posts.

The Wrestler

Neutron — Thu, 05 May 2011 20:21:32 +0000

Again, Aronofsky, that insane mind of his came up with the right edge to cut through the crass in my mind. It is a beautiful movie. On the surface, it is a story about a washed out wrestler, at his nadir, hoping to redeem himself of his past mistakes. But time heals, hardens and keels the right and wrong decisions of one’s life. When Randy the ‘Ram’ realizes that he is alone, as all of us are at the end of the day in facing facts of life, he turns to the one thing he is passionate about, even if eventuality dictates his death.

And that is breath-taking. Not just because it portrays every other man’s life in essence, but it proves the validity of one my favorite sayings:

Blessed is he who has found his work; let him ask no other blessedness.
– Thomas Carlyle

No matter how much I try to divert myself in other activities, it always comes back to yielding satisfaction from my work. It is trivial in the bigger picture, I understand, but without something as pure, what could appease a mind in chaos ? It cannot be money, or power, or a woman or even heaven. They seem like a burden even and portray a muddled picture.

And such is the power of a good movie. It provides the reason to introspect without which, humans would still be apes. Imagination IS more important than knowledge. Thanks AL.

No related posts.

Inevitable

Neutron — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 05:35:20 +0000

Life, the net inference of infinite butterfly effects;
Everything seems to matter, nothing really does;
No reason to be austere or gay,
Just realizations filter through august chaos.

Every action, another fall; Karma.
Without facade, intangible abyss
tugs with fury, thou hast no escape.

No related posts.

Thoughts on a requiem.

Neutron — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:12:09 +0000

‘Requiem for a dream’. I don’t know whether it is my love for Aronofsky’s movies or whether the concept of it. Or the soundtrack he masterfully selects to haunt in the background. But I see most subtle beauty in it when all I’ve heard is bleak, depressing after thoughts from people seen it through their eyes. Given that it is not the feel good movie of the decade, it has a certain elegance in its portrayal of the human affliction in essence, to please, to be addicted, to feel life, to earn, and to survive. There are no depressing thoughts in this world, only ones that give you a fresh perception of better days. And often, this is unrealized, tangled in facades of transient pleasures, leaving us to choke when the cusp of life faces your naked mentality.

Without lateral thoughts, without necessity, without pain, what a dull life this would be. Experiment. Lose yourself. And fight hard to find yourself. The search, inevitable, the only path to realization.

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Its all for the good.

Neutron — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 03:38:00 +0000

Yes. I was hurt recently. Not mentally. Its been a while since I’ve taken that punishment. But physically. And that still hurts. On top of that, being told that you need another surgery, something you went through already (although not the same one) does not bring one up. Given the depressing weather, it doesn’t help either.

But cooking. The divine smell, the transcendent taste of food, the 6 inches of space that controlled man’s fate so far, eventhough unrealized, still changes my fate. I’ve been told that I’m a good cook but its unrealized until it brings you back up with making a grand dinner on a depressing day. In my opinion, very few people share the same passion towards two different aspirations but for some reason, I contradict this in some way. If I was not good at what I do right now (along the lines of applied physics/mathematics), I would be a chef, or an adrenaline junkie. And all of them elate me equally. Unfortunate ?

The beauty about life is that it seems so complicated, with unimaginable results but given enough simple assumptions, it is completely predictable. But of course, this is hindsight. I have run so far, still long to run another million miles but limited by the endurance. Unfortunate, yes. But the reality outweighs the thought. I will run again. Another surgery or not. I shall run another 10 marathons until I hit 3:10. And I shall run that Boston marathon with pride, with a screw in each of my leg. Take that Life !

Its cliched, yes. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Time will tell. Until then, I will rest and enjoy the unpredictable, beautiful chaotic events that elate me…

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Test from Android

Neutron — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 18:27:41 +0000

Sitting inside cozily with couple of feet snow right outside, with a hot cup of coffee, it feels good to finally get enough time to work on the pending reading/writing of papers and documents. No related posts. No related posts.

Thoughts on a limp

Neutron — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 23:24:06 +0000

Walking with my injured leg,
Limping up and down steps cold,
I keep reciting to myself:
Down with the bad and Up with the good.
Facts of life, reassured.

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