I’ve recommended taking in the good and bad with equal fervor for very long. That is because without experiencing the extremes, hitting rock-bottom and coming to terms with yourself seems futile. Of course, this is a very distorted way of getting there but it pushes the meta-physical in understanding chaos around you more precisely. Or that is perhaps what this illusioned mind thinks.

But when you can no longer compensate the good with the bad or vice-versa, it is time to give up both. After a recent disastrous incident, my urge to conquer the physical has been quite unsatisfied and involuntarily, I’ve been pushing myself more and more in the opposite direction. It took me time to realize the absurdity of this decision but never too late I hope. I’m realigning my focus on the physical and will push it again beyond a half, a full and even more. Perhaps an ultra ? Time will tell.

Cryptic ? No. Confused ? Yes. We all are …

Yes. I was hurt recently. Not mentally. Its been a while since I’ve taken that punishment. But physically. And that still hurts. On top of that, being told that you need another surgery, something you went through already (although not the same one) does not bring one up. Given the depressing weather, it doesn’t help either.

But cooking. The divine smell, the transcendent taste of food, the 6 inches of space that controlled man’s fate so far, eventhough unrealized, still changes my fate. I’ve been told that I’m a good cook but its unrealized until it brings you back up with making a grand dinner on a depressing day. In my opinion, very few people share the same passion towards two different aspirations but for some reason, I contradict this in some way. If I was not good at what I do right now (along the lines of applied physics/mathematics), I would be a chef, or an adrenaline junkie. And all of them elate me equally. Unfortunate ?

The beauty about life is that it seems so complicated, with unimaginable results but given enough simple assumptions, it is completely predictable. But of course, this is hindsight. I have run so far, still long to run another million miles but limited by the endurance. Unfortunate, yes. But the reality outweighs the thought. I will run again. Another surgery or not. I shall run another 10 marathons until I hit 3:10. And I shall run that Boston marathon with pride, with a screw in each of my leg. Take that Life !

Its cliched, yes. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Time will tell. Until then, I will rest and enjoy the unpredictable, beautiful chaotic events that elate me…

I’ve been taking my body for granted recently and all the junk food and lack of sleep finally brought it down with a flu. While the desire to finish the dissertation triumphs, the mind can barely make sense of what I read on the screen. I must have slept more than 15 hours yesterday and that brought back life in to the body. But if only I can take my mind off the nagging headache …

Can’t remember the last time I felt this miserable. Less than a month to go for D-day and everything should get better from there…

Yes. I found out the hard way that gaining weight, the healthy way, is a lot harder than losing weight, even 30 pounds. I used to have chunks of belly just hanging out not 3 years before, part of the price I paid for the fast foods in US, and one of my friend’s machine estimated my metabolic age to be around 40. Wow, now that was an eye-opener. And from there, I just started running and now I’m in this hole which I can’t crawl out of. I’m now probably underweight.

I think losing weight healthily is probably a lot easier than people think and really, it is simple mathematics. Eat less calories and spend more. As long as the net is negative and you are patient, the fat will dissolve and losing weight is inevitable. But once you are hooked on to it, or as addicted to running as I am, it becomes hard to gain back weight healthily. The saddest part is that I eat more than twice as much as I used to when I had more weight but since my metabolism is probably in a lot better shape too, the calories don’t seem to stick around anymore.

For all of you who think I’m just gloating and making things up, really, I wish I was. With a BMI close to 19, and trying to run 25 miles/week, may be meat is the only answer, along with the ample portions of vegetables I already consume… Or maybe I should eat my lunch after a good smoke session, like old times … Anyway, if any of you (the 2 or 3 people who visit this site regularly) have suggestions, then please leave me a comment.

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  &#8220;Lack of sleep disrupts every physiologic function in the body,&#8221; said Eve Van Cauter of the University of Chicago. &#8220;We have nothing in our biology that allows us to adapt to this behavior.&#8221;
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  The amount of necessary sleep varies from person to person, with some breezing through their days on just a few hours&#8217; slumber and others barely functioning without a full 10 hours, experts say. But most people apparently need between about seven and nine hours, with studies indicating that an increased risk for disease starts to kick in when people get less than six or seven, experts say.
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  So why do mammals and birds have REM sleep at all? &#8220;The best answer I can come up with is that it&#8217;s there to prepare you for waking,&#8221; Dr. Siegel said. &#8220;When the important work of sleep is done, REM sleep just makes you as alert as you can be while you&#8217;re asleep.&#8221;
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  They found that meditating actually increases the thickness of the cortex in areas involved in attention and sensory processing, such as the prefrontal cortex and the right anterior insula.
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  “You are exercising it while you meditate, and it gets bigger,” she says. The finding is in line with studies showing that accomplished musicians, athletes and linguists all have thickening in relevant areas of the cortex. It is further evidence, says Lazar, that yogis “aren’t just sitting there doing nothing&#8221;.
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  The growth of the cortex is not due to the growth of new neurons, she points out, but results from wider blood vessels, more supporting structures such as glia and astrocytes, and increased branching and connections.
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