Wiggle that big toe.

Past few years, I’ve changed my outlook towards life or rather refined would be a better way to put it and sitting alone, contemplating and meditating on how far I’ve come, still puzzles me. I want to say so many things, put forth ideas that could be useful to others but part of me does not feel like solidifying it in words. Unconsciously, the writer’s coma that I’ve been trying to wake up from has also been affecting my work and the vigor, passion seems to have fizzled a little, it seems. Now that I understand quite well what I do, it does not hold my interest as it once did. Bigger challenges await in future for sure but task unfinished grows from monotony.

Nevertheless, I’m trying to wiggle my big toe, the crud caught up in my mind, blocking my thought flow, to get going a new lease on life and realize the original priorities, to finish what I started. Abstract but clear, visible is a new beginning and an upcoming end of an old chapter.

I hope in another 4 months to finish the work and get my head around my plan for the future… Or maybe just a month of good sleep might clear my head enough to stop all this rambling.

St Patricks Day 2009.

Well, another reason to down couple more green beer and guiness pints ! This will hopefully be the last St Paddy’s I spent at College Station with my friends and so hoping to have a good time today. Also, I could use a brief vacation from work since things have been a little blue lately.

More updates later…

I run. And I love it.

In case you have not known, or I haven’t updated, I have successfully completed the Chicago Marathon before and a half marathon now called the Armadillo Dash recently. Of course, both the times, I was kind of disappointed with my timings because I was aiming for a faster pace but fell short. Not too terrible considering that this was my first shot at a gargantuan task (IMO) for my body, but nevertheless, I’ve learnt things about myself through these experiences.

And like most things that I love, running has become an addiction to me … It could be the release of endorphins after the run or may be the weak body pushed to its limits transcends into an exhilarating feeling following the finish. I do not know. But I have realized that you can extend the threshold on how much pain your body can endure. All the meditation, the focus, the will, the perseverance is what challenges you during those last miles and no matter how prepared you feel, for any race, the final sprint on the last mile, is beautiful.

I felt like rambling about running and so there it is … Anyway, the point being, I am hooked. And am not searching to cure this addiction !

Trip to India

After 2 years, another visit to India finally came together. Long awaited for a vacation, after having worked the body and mind the past few months intensely, a welcome relief. Great food, reunion with old friends, visiting family, and just plainly fantastic to be back in my home land.

I did not realize how much I missed India till I visited and came back here to the U.S. Well, until next time …

A salute to Independence

Independence. Something taken for granted in this generation, without that aching for freedom beyond chains, that sweet memory almost lost in the sands of time. Pride fills my chest thinking about what we have accomplished over 4000 years, with her culture strong, her diversity numerous, I salute, all those faded heroes my backyard red sand holds.

Vande Mataram.

My apologies again

No excuses but apologies again, and again, for those innumerable days of absence this and past year on account of severe work constraints. I believe that once there was something in me that pushed me write so frequently, something that fervently held my brains in position to come up with the motivation and insight to write interesting articles. Where did “that” hide itself is a question I ponder ! In hopes of reviving that which was lost within me, here, I start again.

This year has been quite a ride overall and have met quite a few pros in my field during one of my visits to a national lab at Idaho. The trip was fantastic and got to meet some nice people to hang out with, to play, to cook and to drink. I could not ask for more. The work has been state-of-the-art for the most part but every now and then, I find myself at the bleeding edge. We still have a long way to go !

Life has resumed back in Texas and my semester starts in another 2 weeks. Research is the primary focus now and have very few courses left. Several papers await completion and I need some very good sleep. Until tomorrow, peace be with all of us.

Who the hell reads this ?

I realized today that i haven’t posted any more than 10 posts in the last 8 months and that kinda sucks. I frankly wanted to do more but life hasn’t been very helpful in that respect either. Anyway, i just recently found out that my sister reads my blog very regularly and she is upset that i don’t post more often.

So for her sake and whoever else reads this blog often, i swear, i’m going to post atleast once every week. But, if you are a reader, leave me a comment and let me know that i’m writing this not just for myself.

My last post, i mentioned about going to India. Of course, i went to India, stayed for a month, stayed out of jail, had some great times and am back to the same old hectic schedule i started off with. I’ve been pretty busy writing papers, completing assignments on courses and whole bunch of writing code apart from sneaking some time off to drink beers and read novels and there lies my reason for not posting regularly. And not to mention, the remaining time i have, i sleep my ass off.

But all that WILL change soon, if you as a reader leave me a comment. This ain’t no plea but just something i want to find out to see if this is worth the time. If not, i’ll just start maintaining my site and stop blogging here. So there you go. It’s your call. Less than 10 comments, then i’ll have to scrap the blog i’ve maintained close to 2 1/2 years 🙁

Update: Apparently, my template was a bit messed up and no one could actually post any comment. I just recently ditched my old template and got a new one.

Was it just another day ?

A long absence. A huge work-load. Reminiscent feelings rushing back. God i feel home-sick.

Usually, i do not go around hooting my horn when it is my birthday but yesterday, what the hell, i did. And guess what, many of the friends i know threw me one big ass huge party. I had one of the best times after coming here to US. But what made the day special and out of the ordinary was my visit to the big house for failing the breathalyzer test. Except for the part where i had to pay a fine, the experience was pretty funny, now that i think about it. I’ve been drunk a lot worse many other times but yesterday did not quite qualify for such a treatment. Anyway, the cells did look quite like what is shown in the movies and my comrades, in an effort to cheer me up, sang the ‘Happy Birthday’ song. I couldn’t stop laughing for a while after that ! Finally, after about 6 hours they let me get back to my peaceful existence.

Now that is one of the best birthday celebrations i’ve had in a long time. It had all the elements that makes a day special ; Friends, Beer and Adventure !

In birth and death

An occasion of ceremony,
In light of a passing death
In eternal bliss, devoid of money
Where heaven doth await us in mirth.

Sad and lonely, with wishes fulfilled
Wanting nothing more but life meaningful ;
Everything desired, willed, so easy
Why more does life hang in balance and dice.

Cause & effect, the only reason as seen,
In penance, i fail to see Him.
Such pain fills but logic overrules
What misery have thee led me to ?

Did i already know of my fate.
Sure. I wanted this.
Unsuicidal, with only one regret in hand,
There is no other right time to see this light.

A pawn in the eternity of time,
Like a grain in an universal desert of sand
One inconsequential life could be the center ;
Such balance and perfection at hand.

If there were another life,
Sure i would like to be born again.
With the knowledge i have, preserved
And understand even more clearly the reason for my pain.

Convoluted words, language insufficient
When will anyone understand what i want to say ?
Probably never, this maze of a mind
But i hope my thoughts will change universal movement.

Apart from the single regret
Of forsaking my mother in agony ;
And pursuing my wish and following my will
I am yet to find someone happier than me.

I haven’t seen failure, or rather felt,
but lessons learnt at every step,
teaches the way of life, the fickle gamble,
Perspective cleared, satisfaction in ample.

One last shot at poetry,
I might miserably fail,
but thoughts prevail,
And i shall exist forever in someone’s minds.

If you have known me,
thank you for granting me the privelege.
If i can be reborn, i will.
Watch out around you,
For you could be my next father or mother.

Breaking the silence